Speaking Isn't My Strong Point

THIRTY ONE

I hadn't seen him since he got shot. He was in the hospital and I hadn't visited him once. I just couldn't see him.

If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't have been in that situation. He wouldn't have nearly died. Luckily, he was ok but resting. Ashley had came round a few hours ago telling me that half the time Mason was sleeping because of his wound. It didn't make me feel any better though, it made me feel worse.

I had put him in that much pain. Staying away from him was the much better option.

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Hearing a door slam, I shot up from my nap and leaped off the sofa.

"Leia!" An angry voice yelled out.

Facing towards the kitchen, I ran over to it and grabbed a cup to look normal and preoccupied.

"In here, Ana!" I yelled back, going over to the sink and filling the cup up with water.

"Leia, a word please," Ana said, pointing over to the sofas.

Shaking my head, I took a sip of water and carefully placed it down. I didn't want to speak about Mason.

"Fine, I'll be upfront​," Ana calmly muttered. "Why haven't you been seeing Mason? He wants you there."

Sighing, I bit my bottom lip and glanced up at the ceiling. I couldn't face Ana so I decided to admit everything to the ceiling instead.

"I can't​ see him, Ana," I revealed, huffing out a breath as my shoulders sagged.

"Oh, no, no, no," Ana uttered out, stomping up to me with her blonde, curly hair bouncing with every step. "It's not because you can't. It's because you won't."

Opening my mouth to protest, Ana held up her hand to continue.

"You feel guilty with what happened and you shouldn't. How could you have know that this guy would come out of the shadows and shoot Mason?" Ana exclaimed, reasoning with me.

"I'm sorry, Ana. I just can't do it right now," I truthfully told her, shrugging my shoulders whilst leaning against the kitchen counter.

Pursing her lips, Ana darted her eyes towards me and shot daggers my way. Her eyes were practically burning holes through the side of my face but I still wouldn't have it.

"You're always thinking of yourself," Ana spat, spinning around to my lounge door. "I mean why would you do anything for anyone else. You're too self-absorbed."

Ana proceeded to storm towards my front door without another word or glance my way. With a loud slam of the door, Ana was gone and so was my stubborn self.

She was right. Even though it was hurtful, everything Ana had told me was true. I was guilty. I was being selfish. However, would I still see Mason?

Ignoring my conscience, I decided to sit down and watch my favourite show- Catchphrase.

"You're too self-absorbed."

Was I? I mean I understood that I hadn't taken into consideration how Mason felt about all of it but I was trying to keep him safe. I was toxic and dangerous to him. I may not have pointed the gun at him however I may as well have been. I practically lead Mason to his death.

Shaking the thoughts away, I slid myself deeper into the sofa with my hands delved inside my hoodies' pockets. I tried to get comfy by moving into different positions each minute but I stopped. It just wasn't working. I needed to see Mason even if it was only for a few seconds.

Ashley updating me every day wasn't enough. I had to see if Mason was truly ok myself.

Springing up from the sofa, I ran to grab my coat from off the hook and soon sped out of the door.