Resistance (Harry Styles)

Chapter 18: Being Selfish

Aishwarya's POV

"You know Harry," I spoke my mind, exactly as it was. "All along I had been waiting for you to apologise and make up and now that you stand here, I suddenly don't want it anymore."

He knitted his brows, cluelessly.

"I know I don't make much sense but yeah, it's true. When all that happened in Cape Town I wished each second that you'd come up and say sorry. I waited Harry, but you never did. All you did was have meaningless sex and I was so done with you by the morning that I had to leave."

Harry tried to reach for me and hold my hand but I backed away.

"No, don't. It'll only make me doubt my decision." Which was true. If only I would let Harry touch me again, I knew I would melt and my boldness would just crack and disintegrate. "There's already too much trouble, I don't want any more because I don't want our relationship to advance at the cost of Zayn and Perrie's or El and Louis'. And I don't know what more is to come. I just think that the best would be for us to end this here."

"What? No." He shook his head both ways in denial. "Look I know I said and did stuff that will never make you trust me again, but this can't be over just yet. You know I love you and I mean it."

He stood there with his arms open, and inviting, trying his best to change my decision. But I was doing this for myself. And I wasn't going to look back.

"I've stopped believing you, Harry."

I closed my eyes, letting a tear slip along with a ray of hope that would tell him that doing this was as negatively affecting me as it was to him.

"Is there any way I can change that?" He asked helplessly, since I had left him with no choice.

"There isn't."

Silence took over.

"Do you forgive me, though?"

"You know the answer to that."

I hated to see him, crumbling. All I wanted to do was to reach out and hold him or let him hold me. But I had to stay firm.

"Do you hate me?" He asked.

"I could never. You know that."

"Do you love me?" He asked even though he knew the answer too well.

"I don't." I lied.

All I wanted to do was to jump up to him, wrap my arms around him and kiss him. But truthfully, even though I loved him, I had my limits.

"I'll miss you," he said after a few minutes of thinking.

"You'll get over it."

"I know I won't."

"Goodbye, Harry."

"Don't leave. Just stay? We can make this work. Trust me, I won't mess up. I know you feel the same and you want to." He tried one last attempt, but it was too late now.

"I don't Harry," I lied. "I've stopped feeling." I lied over and over again. Not only to him but to myself. And I knew, in the near future, I was going to be sorry. "Let's just stop here?"

But my mother taught me to be selfish in love. To be greedy in love. And there was no denying that Harry was what I wanted more than ever in my life. But with him, came a package of troubles and adventure I knew not if I was ready to tackle. I just wanted a normal life with a normal human. Harry couldn't be that.

This was just one of the times that he broke my heart. I didn't know if I was brave enough to open up and love him again. I didn't know how much I could take it before I went down. So I had to stop. Even though it killed me right that minute to lie to his face and watch him crack, I did the heartless job. I put myself before him and my relationship with him.

Because I know I'd rather let go and save myself some pain than hold on to a void cloud of hope and find myself plummeting to a painful reality or possibly another heartbreak.

"Keep me in your heart forever," I whispered so low so only I could hear and left his apartment. This leave felt like déjà-vu I had experienced countless times now.

I set away to traverse the same road I took to reach his house as my mind set into a thinking overdrive.

I should have been selfless not selfish. But I just couldn't. I knew getting him out of mind wouldn't be as simple as I anticipated, but I was willing to work at it. I was going to start afresh no matter how hard it was going to be. And like everyone says, time heals a broken heart. I was, now, looking forward to it's magic powers to help me draw Harry out of my heart.

Even though I fully ever couldn't. Maybe because I was head over heels in love with Harry Styles and nobody can change that.

-THE END-

Omigod! I totally can't believe it's done! So if anyone cares to hear, I started writing this for my friend cause she's a big Harry gal and well initially it was just supposed to be a two chapter story! But I changed a few things and look how far it has come! Anyway--I'd just like to thank every single one of you for reading this and as cliche as it sounds, this fan fic would have been nothing without each one of you! You're my cute little buttons!

But if you're sad about the ending, you're in for a surprise because this is nowhere close to an end! I have a sequel planned! But I don't wanna be posting it if you're not going to read! So all you have to do is comment 'why you liked this fan fic and/or why I should continue?' If I get at enough support, I'll write! :) I love y'all again! And thank you for bringing me this far!

Also you can snapchat me what you think at eatmezayn :) yes that's me and I'm waiting to hear from you =)