Keeping the Faith

"I tried so hard to keep myself from falling. I never wanted this to go so far. I dreamed of the day I would wake up and this would all be gone, but that day has never come.

I'm trying so hard to keep it all in, to keep everyone safe. I can't anymore. It's strong within me, breaking from the inside out. All I want is for it to go away, but it won't.

I'm struggling, crying out for help, can't you see it? Can't you see that I'm being consumed by something I'm expected to control? Can't you see it?

I want to die, to make it go away, to keep everyone safe from me.

But I can't. Everyone is expecting me to go on, to control this thing inside of me. Don't they understand how hard it is? Don't they know how much I'm holding back?

I don't know how much longer I can keep it up. They are expecting me to do this for goodness.

Don't they understand that I am nothing good at all?

Why does no one understand? Why am I the one being punished?"

"I understand."

"No, you don't. You never have and you never will."

"But I do now, I get it. I know."

"No...no....no!"

"Don't. Don't do that."

"You think I want this to be happening? Do you think that I can control it? Because I can't."

"Stop saying you can't! You're doing it right now! You're holding it back. You're controlling it."

"No...it's controlling me."