Deadpool X Harley Quinn

Voices

"Harder... harder!" I moaned out to wade.

"I'm going as hard as I can!" He replied.

"Put yer back into it!"

He let out a grunt as his hands rubbed the knots out of my back, putting me into a relaxed state. I smiled as I buried my head into my folded arms.

"How come I'm always the one giving the massages? My back hurts too." Wade pouted.

"Humph. Well maybe next time if you've been KIDNAPPED and ALMOST MURDERED by a PSYCHOTIC FANGIRL then maybe... JUST MAYBE I will give you a back massage. Now rub my feet next."
I flipped over on my back and held my bare feet up in wades face. He grabbed me by the ankles and pushed my legs to the side. I furrowed my brows and pouted at him.

"Harley... I like you, I really do. But you do shit-all around here—Other than either eating all my food or purposely giving me a boner. My kitchen looks worse than before you came! And that's really saying something."

"Oh, so what, yer kickin' me out?"

"Yeah, and it's fuckin' hard. Never in my life did I see myself kicking out such a hot.... beautiful.... disaster of a woman."

"Let me guess, you discussed this with the voices in yer head?"

"What-- how'd you know about that?"

"Truss me. I got a little fucker yappin' around in here too. And 'sides, I hear you talking to yerself all the time."

"Thin walls, what're ya gonna do." He sighed, pushing himself off the bed. "I'll help you pack if you want...?"

I sat up in a crisscrossing position on the bed and gave him a shocked look. "So you're really doin this, Huh." I said innocently in a soft tone, my bottom lip puckering up.

"I mean, it's nothing against yo—"

"Just like mistah J! He kicked me out too! Aww..." I moaned out like a whiny baby. "Left me out on tha street, all alone... so alone." I looked down. I quickly looked back up to wade then brushed my pigtails out of the way and showed him a deep gash on my neck. "Look! He tried killin me!" I backed away and furrowed my brow to him. "Is that what yer gonna do? Hm? First you're gonna kick me out, then beg me ta come back when you realize how much harder life is without me, and that there's no one to feed the hyenas. Yer gonna beg me ta come back with open arms, then a week later get pissed that I accidentally let b-man get away and try n' kill me!" I threw my arm forward and pushed Wade back with all my might. He put his arms up after he slammed against the wall. I got closer with a fierce look on my face. "Well I ain't gonna let it happen again! Nuf' a people takin' advantage of me. You want me outta here? Then fine, I'll get outcha life fer good. Just know that y—"

Suddenly the unmasked man stepped forward, placing his rough scarred lips against mine. "—MM!"

I pulled away, looking at his lips, then into his eyes.

"I don't want you to go." He said.

"Then... then whatcha doin' scarin' a girl like that! You idiot!"

"To be perfectly honest with you, you scare me."

"Huh?"

"Seriously, you scare the shit out of me. I've never met a girl so un-afraid and willing to do anything. Y'know, you're like me, but hotter."

"Aw, really? Y'think?" I went all flustered, grin as wide as the grand canyon.

Wade sighed. "I have to go. I'll be back later tonight, we can watch that new porno channel I just bought. All anal angels. Deal?"

"Deal." I said as I watched him leave.

'Harleen...' the voice spoke.

"HARLEY!!" I yelled, correcting it.

'Well, Harley, listen to me.'

"Get outta my head, HARLEEN."

'Harley please. It's dangerous for you to be in this world, and you know that. Please liste—'

"La la la! I can't hear you!"

'Stop acting like a child. You are a college graduate with a bachelors degree and a psychologist for Christ's sake.'

"Psychologist gone psychiatric patient, more like."

'Nonetheless, look at you! You've gotten away from the Joker's grip and you're your own independent woman again. You can thrive and do what you want! Do what makes you happy!'

"I am doin' what makes me happy."

'What's that, moping around in a universe that doesn't belong to you, and using your femininity to manipulate a mercenary? You are wasting your skills, Harley. Just let me out, let me take control again. I'm sure that I can find a way back home.'

"Fer the last time, I AM home! I don't need that other universe, I don't need J, I don't need my old life. I fit in here. Start takin' notes, Harleen. This is tha' new n' improved me. You're old news, lady. And old dogs need to die. Get outta my head!"

'HARLEY!' The voice cried out one last time before I ran into the living room and began blasting metal music. While dancing, I reached into the fridge and grabbed a bottle of gin, cracking it open and pouring myself a few glasses. Before I knew it, I grew dizzy. I swayed around the room until I eventually collapsed onto the floor, giggling to myself til I fell asleep on the soft carpet.