The Shadows

Paranoid

I see a shadow fall over Strangers face at my words, and I know she doesn't believe me. I watch her out of the corners of my eyes as she ferociously mauls the exposed skin of her hands with her nails, tearing away small sheets of red and I can't help but stare as small blood beads form on the open wounds. The rest of her hands are covered by bandages I assume she must have put on to hide ehr other wounds from me. I want to say something, but I feel like it won't help. I can't help.
So I keep eating and ignore it, though it hurts to do so.
I finish eating the rest of my sandwich as quickly as I can as I watch Strangers frustration die down, and as she stops clawing at her own flesh. I place my plate gently on the wooden coffee table in front of me. I see Stranger move and pick it up, flashiing a quick smile at me as she walks briskly into the kitchen.
I hear the water running in the sink and I assume she's washing the plate up for me. I'm tempted to tell her she doesn't have to, but something tells me that this is helping her somehow. So I leave it alone, pulling my legs up onto the sofa with me, huddlign my shoulders in slightly.
I swipe the remote for my used TV off of the coffee table and begin idly flicking through the channels, waiting for something to catch my eye. Nothing does. I sigh gently and debate what to do next. I don't even know what Stranger is going to do. Does she plan to leave? I wouldn't blame her, what with all the shit I've put her through today. But I daren't ask, I'm too scared of what the answer might be. I'm still shaken from seeing that child, that monster in front of me, and it's taking all my mental effort to stop ym body from convulsign from stress. God, existing is shit. Why... did I do this?
The clock on the TV says it's nearly five o'clock and I resume to flicking through the channels, counting on the white noise to distract me from my thoughts. It doesn't work.
I hear Stranger emerge from the kitchen, and her her pad softly over to me. I feel her weight press down on the sofa pillows behind me, disrupting the blanket laid out on the back of the sofa, hiding all the rips in the fabric. It takes all my effort to not jump or make noise. God, I can almost feel her smiling. I wish I could match that emotion, but I don't understand it.
Instead of showing her my real emotions, I opt to lighten the dull mood I must carry with me right now.
"Theres nothing good on!" I squish my face up to show irritation, and hear Stranger giggle behind me. It sounds like an angels laugh. I don't understand these feelings.
"Maybe we should watch films or something?" Her voice is soft and quiet, like velvet to the ears, and I feel my heart contract, though with what emotion, I don't know. All I know is that I want her to stay. I'm scared, I don't want to be alone.
To show her I agree with this plan, I press my lips together to look more serious and nod slightly, keeping my eyes forward, looking at the deep purple of my walls.
"What do you want for dinner?" She asks in that same soft vioce, and I want to punch myself for the way I tur round, my shock displayed very evidently on my face, mixed with what I think is excitement.
"You're staying?" God, swallow me up now floor, I beg of you. I sound so shocked and I know that will be portrayed as a bad thing. But I'm happy, I want her to stay! I just don't know how to show that. God, I'm an idiot. I see Strangers face fall into worry, and I want to punch myself. I want to feel it hurt.
"I-I can go if you want me to-" SHIT.
"No! Please don't-" Tell her how you feel. "just. Please can you stay? I don't ... feel safe." You fucking idiot. You could have said anythign else, why didn't you?! My voice is small when I speak, and I want to punch my voice box for portraying how weak I feel. Stranger seems to respond though, and I feel her hand snake into my hair, stroking it gently.
"Hey, it's okay." She strokes my hair, and it takes all of my effort to stay awake. I didn't realise I was this tired. "I just need to get some stuff for dinner then I'll be right back."
I look at her, and I know my fear is apparent in my face, because I see her expression change and I hate that look of worry I cause. But I can't hide it. I'm scared.
"I could always stay for the night, but I have to leave early tomorrow because of dance practice." I nod slightly, smiling at her to show thats okay. I should have known she was a dancer, she has the body of one. Stop staring.
I look back to the TV as she grabs her keys, shutting my eyes and sighing as the door of my apartment closes and I hear her car drive away, until all I can hear is the ringing in my head. It's okay, I'm okay. Stranger will be back soon, with food at that. Not that I need it, but if cooking for me means she'll get some food in her, then its fine. She looks like she needs it. She may be a dancer, but she's a little too skinny for it to be healthy. Not that I would know much abotu what makes a human body healthy, but... I can guess.
Ten minutes. My hands start to fidget, and flicking through the TV channels no longer is distracting me. Don't worry, you don't know how far away the shop is. It's probably fine, right?
But what if it isn't?
It'll be okay, she'll be okay. She looked like she could defend herself. She'll be fine.
Twenty minutes. Okay, it's fine, it's fine. Maybe the line is really long. Maybe her car broke down. Maybe the shop really is long way away.
Maybe she got hurt.
No, I'm sure she's fine. As these thoughts race through my head, I hear a knock at the door of my apartment. That's when I realise that I've been staring at a wall for ten minutes, worrying. My heart gives a lurch of hope and happiness at the knock and I have to stop myself from running to the door. I get up from the sofa and walk over to the door, noting how hard the knocking is. I open my door a bit, letting it catch on the chain.
NO. That's not Stranger.
My father stands behind the door, that maniacle grin still plastered on his face, staring at me with bloodshot eyes. My mother is nowhere to be seen, I can only assume she's waiting in the car, or at home. My father looks at me with his eyes full of rage, his smile vanishing into a menacing scowl. He's mad, and I'm all alone.
Without warning, he thrusts his body into the door, slamming it into me and putting strain into the chain that holds it shut. The metal lets out a whine, letting me know it will give way soon. He smashes itno the door repeatedly, and I scramble to shut it, pushing against his weight. But he caught me off guard. He takes a break to charge up for the next hit, and I manage to slam the door, briskly lockling it in his face as he smashes into it.
I hear his nails rip into the paint, and I stare through the peephole at him, my eyes welling up with tears.
"SHADOW! You can't keep me out forever. You can't save yourself! You can't save her!" My entire body freezes my blood running colder than before. How could he possible know about Stranger? He couldn't. It's just bullshit to get me to give in, right?
But what if it isn't?
I lean against the door, letting my body sink to the floor as my dad continues to pound on the wood and scream at me, though I can no longer hear what eh is saying to me. It's all just white noise. Just shapes.
He gives up after ten minutes I think, and I her his car splutter off down the road. I feel the tears run down my cheeks, pulling my legs into my chest, burying my face in my knees. I can see colours emerging on my skin, and I stare down at my flesh. Old wounds and scars are appearing on my skin, each different colours, reminding me of old memories. Things that happened. God. Red for mother, green for father. Purple for me and orange for... shit.
I can't let Stranger see this, she won't understand, and... I don't to explain. I grab the balnket off of the back of the sofa, having jumped up from my huddled position, draping it over myself. I make sure to cover everything, hiding my arms inside it, and coverign the back of my had and neck with it as well, clasping it together with my fidgety fingers.
Thirty minutes. Is she okay? Where is she? I thought my dad was joking. What if he was serious? Does he know about her? Oh god.
Fourty minutes? What if she got hurt? Could she have gotten hurt? What if sh's not okay and I'm not there to help.
Fifty minutes. Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god. What if she's really hurt, or worse. What if she's dead?! Is this my fault? Probably. OH GOD.
My mind buzzes, my thoughts collidign with one another making it hard to focus, hard to see. The door knocks and I jump, my eyes widening out of fear. What if its my dad again?! What if he hurt her?! Then  I hear a voice that is definately not my dads.
"Shadow! Shadow, please let me in..." Stranger! Probably... I hope so. Her voice sounds scared and upset, so I rush off of the sofa to the door. I keep the chain on though. I crack the door open, looking out of it with wide eyes, pulling my blanket tighter around me. I see Strangers face, looking back at me with sad eyes. My face softens and I undo the chain swiftly, opening the door for her.
She steps slowly into the apartment, and closes the door after her. She turns around and I can't hold back. I rush and hug her, squeezing her as tight as I can to keep myself together. I shove my face into her neck as she bends down to hug me as well, and I can feel her nuzzle her nose into my neck.
"I thought you weren't coming back!" My voice is blocked slightly by her neck, hiding how shaky it really is as I try and fail to hold myself together.
Stranger strokes my neck in an effort to calm me, I think and her voice is soft when she speaks, like how you would talk to a toddler.
"I would never just not come back." And it's so matter of fact, so certain. So sure.
My resolve breaks.