The Shadows

Energy

I open my eyes and am instantly shocked by how warm I am. I'm warm? How? Then I realise. There is a pressure all around me, englufing me. Stranger. She must have pulled up from the floor and hugged me in her sleep, I guess. God, what time is it? 5am, of fucking course. Ugh, why is it when I actually need sleep, I never stay asleep for long. Ugh.
Well, since I'm up, I should really make some breakfast for Stranger. She could use the food, and it'll take me a while to make it. But she's hugging me in her sleep, my body pulled close against her middle. Her grip is loose though. I wonder how asleep she really is. I should test. I twist slightly in her arms, turning my face towards her. I blow air out between my lips gently, aiming it at her face. Her eyes twitch, but I get no response other than that. Okay, she's still out cold. Good for me, I guess.
I carefully pry myself out of her grasp, watching as her arms relax from their grip. Okay, I've got this. I sit up on the sofa, trying to be as quiet as possible. I push myself off the sofa into a standing position, and start walking into the kitchen. My skin instantly gets cold without Strangers heat and I can feel the pressure in my skull growing gradually.
I carefully get some bread out of the bread bin and open my oven, switching on the grill and sliding the bread beneath it. Okay, now lets cook some eggs to go with the toast. Do I even have eggs? I open the fridge pondering this and smile. Yup, there are the eggs. Stranger must have bought them when she went shopping. I grab two nice looking ones, grabbing a pan from a cupboard below me. Turning on the hob, I crack the eggs into the pan, placing it onto the heat. They start cooking immediately. Good thing this is a non-stick pan.
I sigh slightly, getting into the cooking. I don't know how long this is gonna take me, a while since I'm not really good at cooking I guess.
It's about half six by the time I'm done cooking and have everything in order. I smile, picking up the finished breakfast on a plate and bringing it into the living room. I can see Stranger stirring, her open eyes following me as I walk in the room. I make my face more steely, trying to tell her not to mess with me.
I set the food down in front of her, and watch her look up at me, questioning.
"Eat. You look hungry." I make my words very matter of fact. I see her face droop, realising she's not getting out of this. She sighs, hesitatntly picking up the plate and laying it out on her lap. She begins eating, looking at me every few seconds, nibbling at the food delicately.
"You sure you don't want some?" She asks me, raising her eyebrows. Trying to make me think she's eating more than she is. I raise my eyebrows, keeping my eyes steeled.
"No. I'm not hungry. You know, talking isn't gonna convince me your eating it. Believe me, I used to do it myself." Memories flash through my head and I wince slightly, hoping Stranger didn't see that. She's dealt with enough.
Stranger looks frustrated with me and I feel bad, my face falling as I watch her force herself to eat. I'm sorry, but this is for your own good.
She finishes, handing me back the plate. I head into the kitchen, placing the plate in the sink. When I head back to the living room, I see Stranger shifting on the sofa. I stop in the doorway, staring.
"Where ya goin?" Stranger jumps slightly at my voice, looking at me with a slightly sheepish expression.
"Uh... the toilet?" I shake my head at her. She doesn't need to go. She'd be fidgeting a lot more if she did. She'd be a lot more uncomfortable.
Maybe you should just leave her be? No.
I can feel my face becoming flushed as I struggle to think clearly. Don't get mad. It's not like you think highly of yourself, don;t blame her for thinking the same way about herself. Even if you can't understand it.
"Hey, do you know how many calories were in that?" I stare at Stranger with wide eyes as she stands up to try and go to the bathroom again. Oh jeez. My face is getting redder and redder and I can feel pupils summoning in my eyes, flickering as I struggle to contain myself. Seriously?!
"Don't get up." My voice is no louder than a growl and I see Stranger raise her eyebrows. God damn it!
"Seriously?! Do you have any idea how pretty you are! How fucking skinny you are! If I could feel pain, it would be painful how amazingly beautiful you are. It's so hard to know that you can't fucking see that! I just- I - GAH!!!!" My voice is raised and I can feel the strain on my throat as I yell. So much pressure. I am struggling to stay awake and I hope it doesn't show, though I get the horrible feeling it really does. This is so frustrating!
After I'm done yelling, I feel the pupils die down as I relax my tensed shoulders, watching Stranger. Her eyes look tired and she appears to have been waiting for me to shut up. Ugh, she doesn't even look mad. I hear her sigh and look at her with a sad expression as she talks, trying to reason with me.
"I do this for dance, okay?" No. "I have to do it. Besides, if I thought I was really pretty, do you think I would wear so much makeup and spend time doing it? No. Do you think I'd be drinking? Again, no." She sighs as I stare at her, unable to keep my concern from leaking into my features, softening my expression.
"I'm sorry. I haven't been at my best recently." Stranger apologises and I can't help but feel like this is my fault.
Because it is.
I drop my eyes to the floor, my foot kicking the carpet.
"Okay, but don;t moveunless you really need to. Please..." I stop talking, walking away into the kitchen to wash the plate up for Stranger.
I spend the whole day doing little things for Stranger like making her tea and food. As the day goes on, I can feel myself getting increasingly tired, and I hope it doesn't show on my face, though I know it does since I'm stuggling to keep my eyes open. Stranger seems to pick up on this as the day goes by, asking me more and more if I need to sit down. If I sit down, I won't get up. I refuse every time, saying I'm fine. Lies.
It happens in the kitchen. I'm making some tea and have everything set up when my body decides to fucking freak. My legs give out and I hear it as my body slams into the floor, dipping below its surface. The shadow realm. Since I'm made of shadows, I can dip down to this hell scape. It hurts though. One of the only things that can cause me pain.
God, it hurts. My chest erupts with a burning sensation, making my heart wrench. All my other ailments come up in pain too, as I shut my eyes to prevent myself from seeing anything around me. I don't need this hell to present my fears to me on a silver platter. I hold my breath as I force my body to go up above the ground again, towards Strangers muffled voice.
"Hey, are you okay in there?" Stranger questions me, sounding kind of worried. Shit.
"Yeah! I just tripped is all." I can't keep the heaviness out of my voice as I speak. But I fuckign try anyway.
I grab Strangers tea off of the side and bring it out to fine her skeptically looking at me. The pain has spread through my entire body, making all my muscles feel like they have been set alight. Luckily I didn't stay long enough for the pain to be unbearable.
I set the tea on the table for Stranger and plop myself on the floor, crossing my legs and trying not to look too tired. I think I've failed.
"Hey, you okay?" Strangers voice cuts into my already sore head and I can't help but flinch. She looks at me, concerned and I sigh. I maybe need to tell her that I'm tired at least.
"Yeah, I'm just, tired..." I don't even get to continue before Stranger stands up, seemingly surprised by her foot, and moves towards me. She shows me her hand to pull me up, but I can't muster the strength to do it. I groan and lie on the floor. I hear her move next to me and feel her throw the blanket over me, before joining me on the floor. Her heat absorbs into my skin, making my head fuzzy. I want to tell her she doesn't have to, but my heavy eyelids win and I sink into sleep.
I am strapped to a table, my hands and legs bound to the corners. This is uncomfortable. A man walks in, his face shrouded by the shadows of the room. His briliant white lab coat flaps behind him like a cape. A villains cape. His teeth flash in his mouth as he smiles at me, that same sickening smile my father does. I flinch on the table as I watch him walk over to his tools of torture. Knives and drills and ugh. He picks up a scalpel, sliding it between his fingers, still smiling at me. God, I want to rip that smile off his fucking face. He walks over to me, brandishing the scalpel. Before I know it, he's digging it into my stomach, pulling me open and seeing whats inside. My black blood pours over his hands, bit he keeps going, despite my screams. There is a machine next to me, forcing me to feel all of the pain, and my body contorts wit the pressure, wanting to protect my middle. But I can't.
My eyes snap open and I jump up from the floor, much to Strangers surprise. I falter slightly, swaying on my feet before correcting myself. Ugh, oh god. This isn't too good. Stranger stands up next to me and attempts to move me to the sofa. She says something, but I don't process it, just picking up a mumble.
Stranger takes note of my behaviour, sitting on the sofa and motioning for me to sit next to her with soft eyes. And I can't. I can't hold it in anymore. My voice shakes as I yell and scream.
God, what am I doing?
"Why do you even like me?! I don't get it! All I've ever done in my life is make people regret that I'm  in it. I ruin everything I touch! Why do you think everyone hates me?! And I can't even blame them! I don't understand! Why don't you hate me?! I have done nothing good for you inthe time we've known each other. I've only made you frustrated and annoyed and angry. You've had to deal with so much and I've done nothing in return! Why don't you leave, wouldn't that be so much better for you?" My face scrunches up as I yell, the pain in my chest and throat growing more intense with every word. My fists are clenched so hard I can feel the skin giving way under my nails.
Stranger looks at me with tired eyes, flashing a small smile. A smile?! What?! She smiles properly now, a loving look in her eyes, and I back down, backing away and sitting on the floor. Her voice is soft when she speaks.
"Because you are my scarecrow, and I never thought I would find someone as caring and as accepting as you." You don't know me. "You laugh at all my jokes and you look after me when things go wrong, like right now!" You don't know what I am. "I could write poetry, or a goddamn symphony on how beautiful your smile is, how amazing your laugh is. The way you look even when no ones watching you. I could never leave, because that would eman abandoning the most beautiful stars the world has ever seen. Okay love?" You don't know what I've done. All stars die eventually.
And this one never existed.
Did she just call me love? I can't help but smile at that nickname. Does that mean she heard me when I called her it?! Shit. I try to push myself off of the floor, but the pain starts up again, forcing me to give up and sit back down. My eyes struggle to stay open and I can feel my body wanting to give in. But I need to stay awake. Strangers looking at me, perhaps noticing how tired I am. Maybe.
Oh.
OH NO.
My body decides to dip again, sinking into the floor, turning itself int black goop as I sink further and further into the shadow realm. I forget to close my eyes, the shock forcing them open. Fuck! I just did that in front of Stranger! Fuck shit!
I see memories and fears floating past me. My dad hitting me, my mumm yelling. That man cutting me open. HIM. I want to scream, but my throat burns too much. The pain rips through my chest, flooding my heart and lungs and setting me on fire. I feel like I'm drowning. This is what I imagine death feels like. Cold and yet burning at the same time. Numb and yet unbearably painful.
This hurts.
You deserve it. Look what you did to us. Look at yourself. You shouldn't exist. You weren't meant to exist. You ruined us! A hoard of broken children, their faces cracked like paint surround me, yelling words until it sjust one loud scream, matching the one I want to make. They have blood elaking down they faces, their eyes gouged out as they stare at me. I need to go, NOW.
I force my body up. I've stayed too long. Everything is on fire when I reach the surface, pulling myself onto the floor before a very bemused Stranger.
"Well, I can safely say I've never seen that before." My eyes are wide with pain and fear as she talks, not knowing what just happened to me.
My body lets out a giant scream, as it flops in exhaustion onto the floor, my face turned away from Stranger. I hear her jump on the sofa, and can feel ehr eyes boring into the back of my head. The pain is too much, it hurts everywhere, blocking my senses.
"Shadow, you okay?" Stranger sounds concerned and I want to talk, to tell her I'm fine. To lie. But all my body can manage are some strangled moans of pure pain that rip up my lungs. I hear Stranger scramble off the sofa sn hear her skid over to me. Her hands roll me over on the floor to face her, though they retract when I flinch in pain and fear.
She looks at me, clearly wondering what happened to me and I try to smile, but instead my back arche, trying to get away from the pain.
"It... hurts so much..." My bosy relaxes into the floor as it gives up, passing out from the pain.
All I see is black.