No Fears

Chapter 17- Steph

"HEY GUYS" I SAID when I entered Nick and Sean's room, I had been home for several hours, but just now managed to walk out of my hole in my room and went to see them. They were playing with some cars, laughing, indifferent to all this bullshit. Mom had told me she spoke with them and explained them that our father was gone, so I had expected them to be miserable, sad, angry, one of the multiple emotions that were going through my head.

"Hey, Steph! You're back!" Sean said coming to hug me. I lifted him and then hug him tight.

"Steph, I can't breathe." Sean said.

"I'm sorry." I said and let go of him.

"Mom told you about dad?" Nick asked me.

"Yes." I said looking down.

"Are you sad he is gone?"

"Yes Nick, are you?" I asked him.

"Not so much, I was sad at first, but now I think I'm better."

"He is not going to hit as anymore." Sean added.

"What do you mean? Did he hurt you sometime before the other day?" I asked, terrified to hear the answer.

"Yes." They both replied at the same time.

"But only when you and mom weren't here. And then he would tell us not to say anything..." Nick added.

"Or he would do something worse to us." Sean finished.

"I'm so sorry he did that to you." I told them.

"We can take it, we are big boys." Sean said.

"Yes, you are, but don't worry he is not going to hurt us anymore." I told them.

"Why are you crying then?" Nick asked me.

"Because he was still our dad. Aren't you going to miss him?" I asked to both of them.

Nick shook his head.

"No, we like it when he is not home, he doesn't tell us what to do and yell at us." Sean explained.

I nodded and then I played with them for a while before I left to my room.

My brothers were too little to understand that they were never going to see him again, that he was dead, gone forever. Maybe they thought that he was coming back eventually, and they were happy to enjoy a little vacation from the regiment he put us through.

Yes, that must be it. They are going to be real sad when they finally figure it out, maybe they would realize it tomorrow at the funeral, when they lower his body to the ground.

I heard a knock in my door. "Steph?" My mother called me.

"Yes?" I said still in my bed.

"Aly is here to see you; do you want me to send her in?" She said.

"Yes." I told her. Then Aly opened the door and walked inside. As soon as she saw me she ran to me and hug me. I started crying again.

"I'm so sorry Steph, I'm so sorry." She told me.

I cried for a while in her arms, but then I stopped.

"Thank you for being here." I told her.

"There's no place I rather be." She replied.

"I have to tell you something." I said.

"Okay." She agreed.

I told her everything, I must have been talking for hours, and she listened when I spoke about every single thing my father did that I could remember, I even told her about when he raped my mother. I saw an understanding look when I told her that, now she knew why I hated Austin so much. I told her about two days ago, and all the shit I said to him, and that was why I ran off to San Francisco with Scott. I also told her everything that we did together yesterday, and the promised we had made, how good he was to me after my mother called, and how I had pushed him away this morning.