For a Friend

Sometimes at night I like awake
And think about all the bad choices I've made
Dissecting every word, each phrase,
Agonizing over each tiny mistake.

I fret over the smallest things,
Conversations and former friends.
I try to think of ways
To be a better friend, better person.

I want to keep the friends I have,
But with every word I speak,
I fear they'll think poorly of me
And decide to leave.

I fear I'm too self-centered,
Though I try each day to improve.
I fear I say the wrong things
Or don't speak when I should.

I worry when I don't
Like the things my friends like
Or eat the things my friends eat
Or do the things my friends do.

At night I lie awake
Trying to think of ways to keep my friends,
So they don't leave me like my last ones,
So I won't be left alone again.

There's one friend that I have
Who I don't worry about.
Because though we barely see each other anymore,
We know: on each other we can count.

This poem is for you, the greatest friend I've ever known.