Trainee Days |AMBW•FANFIC|

•패러곤•

Our hit song ran the charts, we were Paragon, the upcoming—most— diverse k-pop girl group, with the youngest as the leader who is the first biracial leader in history. Difference is a blessing, but every blessing has it's misfortune....

We got on stage for the first time. It was me in the center; I remembered the concept of our first video. Don't go–가지마. It was about a boy and girl who fell in love, but quickly turned to the other who turned out to be 'prettier' and up to his standards for unique beauty. He ignored the other's qualities and was blinded to the fact that her 'imperfections' are what made her unique to, he broke her heart, and she hurt. Then she moved on her own, after multiple stages of depression and grief. from past experiences, then when she changed he came crawling back but she'd already found someone else who would only look at her for eternity. 

It was powerful and it became a hit, as soon as it went viral.

But there were negative comments on it of course...

"So....is she happa?"

"half black half asian? That's a bit weird..."

"Her dad is mixed too...at least he still looks more like us."

"She's pretty hot, but just needs lighter skin and she'll be beautiful"

"I like the black one, she's tight~"

"Sexy, black girls are into dirty things?"

"Are her boobs and butt fake? No way, that waist too? can't be real..."

"she's a monster, who bred her like that?"

"Her voice is so beautiful black girls can sing there heart out."

"Get out of korea, you mongrel."

"She's so dirty..why would her parents make something like that?"

"I wouldn't mind taking her home, even if she isn't 100% like me."

      No one..t-they barely even commented about the video...maybe it's just me, I think....all the other members were happy and cheery, but maybe it was the weight of the words as opposed to the actually quantity. They said a lot of dirty things about me because of...my skin? my parents? That can't be fair....can it?I closed the lap top screen, remembering those torturing comments from that month ago. A lot of people did love us, yeah we were decent. Sometimes the negative comments get to me the most. It reminds me of just how different I am. And maybe, it's just the truth. I didn't really belong here...did I? I'm being dumb again. Maybe I should just go to sleep.

I was up all night reading fan letters and some personal ones. And I was getting my first pay check by the end of this week. Of course, I didn't really expect it to be so rough. Training was hard and really  hard. It almost felt like a prison.  But this? I guess, —to be brutally honest— and somewhat cliché, PRACTICING FOR DAYS ON END ON A STRICT SCHEDULE IS HARD AS FUCK. 

We barely get any breaks, but when we do it's well spent RUNNING AWAY FROM EVERY FAN THAT SEES YOU AND HAPPENS TO RECOGNIZE YOUR EXISTENCE. I didn't even think it was possible to get this famous in like...a fucking year since we debuted. After one music video, too. 
Why not just stuff an entire pillow case down my throat? I thought throwing my head back against the bed. At least the people who are keeping us healthy know what there doing; the managers feel bad sometimes, but i don't know if they're jus paid to do that or what. I know, that I miss my dad.
I haven't seen him in a very long time. But I'm sure he gets to see me everywhere. I got a knock at the door. "Who is it?" I asked loud enough to hear.

"It's Biyu!" crap did I lock the door again? "You locked the door...again." 

I could hear her sighing like she wanted to kick the door down.  But she'd probably have to be really angry. "coming!" i ran up to the door, and opened it looking at Biyu who's hair was soaked and shoulders were dripping with shower water.  she looked mad
"I'm sorry..." her face was even perfect without makeup. I was a little jealous. Biyu held her towel close, then walked passed me with.She walked over to the bed next to mine in the room we shared
"Guess I'll close the door then."
Funny how we were paired together. Achara had a room with Haneul. Lastly there was Koko and Eunhui. We were all so different, it was sort of weird to be paired like that. Still, I'd rather be paired with Haneul than anyone else. Biyu is still okay; she'd be who I'd room with second choice.
While Biyu was getting dressed I looked away to give her some privacy.
"You know, "
I started, hearing her shuffling on the bed sheets next to me."It's been a year, and almost a month...and I still can't get over you and me being naked and dressing together."
"Silly," she paused and threw on a white lace long-sleeve top on and some shorts. "We're past that I thought?" she grinned and I choked. I was debating or not whether I could...confide.

Biyu was— is....beautiful in every way. She was naturally her, and natural in the sense of normal expectations. Biyu fit in: she was elegant and had etiquette; charismatic, enigmatically gorgeous, dainty, and fluent in her dances. Biyu had the ability to flow like a petal in the wind.

"What's wrong?" she asked, turning an eyebrow.

I smiled like it was nothing, got my jacket and phone, then left the room. It was nothing. Right? Then again....if you really look at me. I'm the only outcast. It doesn't matter if my members notice it or not. It won't change how everyone else sees me. Digging through mind was enough torture, and a good distraction came up right on time. My lips curled at the satisfying message I'd gotten from my number one inspiration: 

"Jiyong?" 

I pressed the phone tightly against my face, hearing his day-to-day laughter which tickled my ear drums. I imagined his smile and the day  I saw him last. It was a month ago; he'd died his hair a sweet tinge of lime green. It smelled really nice along the wind, that night, when I won my first award. He congratulated me, with his eyes and nice words. Then we exchanged numbers to keep in touch. It's always so busy in YG, and the idols barely get enough time to themselves.

Especially when demand is on the rise. "Eojinnie," it tickled~ "I want to take you out to dinner, maybe even 노래방 (Noraebang)?"

"That sounds great. Thank you again, for believing in me."

"No problem." 

I waited for him to say more, but nothing else exempting small laughter. "You know...." 

"Eung?"

I was engrossed around expressing just how much Jiyong saved me. I wanted to tell him 'Thank you' in person, or 'I couldn't have done it without you.' But, I just needed the right time. 

He was so patient, waiting on the other line while I clasped my fingers onto the phone; both hands. It was so hard to say it. Just say....how you feel. Tell him. 

 But instead...

"I can't wait to see you."

Was what I told him.

It didn't take long for him reply. "Me too. It'd be nice to see you again."

My thumb pressed the end call and it was over. "As an honorary member of the YG family, you are our newborn child. Sister/ Twin group to Black Pink; Paragon." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder for the first time that night, and stared into my eyes. And I thought to myself, 

'GD is my hero.'