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❝CHAPTER 9.❞
seokjin left namjoon's apartment with the bitter taste of smoke in his mouth and a bit of alcohol in his system. he was also a little more than heartbroken to see a woman standing outside the door when he was about to leave, who was dressed a little too nicely for it to just be a "friendly" visit. when he had turned to namjoon, his expression had been unreadable so seokjin had just left without another word.
his head felt a bit hazy, maybe the drinks were at fault, or just the tears brimming his eyes as he walked down the empty road. oh, how he wished he was wrapped in namjoon's big hoodie right now, the lingering smell of pine embracing his body.
he missed it.
he missed him.
the sad part was that it hadn't even been 30 minutes.
yeah, he was attached. he knew he was and he knew it was wrong. he was aware that it wasn't good.
and though he knew he shouldn't, he still liked namjoon. hell, he was starting to believe that maybe he was in fucking love with him. he now knew that namjoon slept around and he didn't want to fucking trust him. he knew he was gonna end up getting hurt. because namjoon was gonna fucking ruin him.
he couldn't help it though.
he still trusted him.
he trusted him with his entire fucking being. it was noxious because he knew no matter what namjoon did he was still gonna crawl back to him if he was asked to.
he needed a bloody cigarette. he wanted one so bad. he felt anxious. he could feel his fingers trembling and twitching in the pocket of his jeans, breathing uneven and a bead of sweat sliding down the nape of his neck.
he had ran out back at namjoon's house and had assured himself that it wasn't a big deal because 'it wasn't as if i smoked that much anyway.'
but boy was he wrong.
he tried to take his mind off the fact that he felt as if his legs were about to give out on him by drawing shapes onto his thigh though it didn't help much.
his nerves continued all throughout his walk home and even when he reached his apartment. he ignored the continuous questions from his roommate and simply searched around the living room for hoseok's box of cigarettes, finding them in between the blankets that scattered about.
his finger tips tingled as they made contact with the small box of cancer sticks.
he pulled the drug out and let it hang loosely from his chapped lips before he lit it up. he sucked in the velvet smoke anxiously before releasing the cloud of tension that had been forming over the last few hours. he instantly felt his body relax and with a sigh, he took in another long drag of the cancerous fag.
he felt filthy; weak.
he looked at the half-smoked butt clenched in between his fingers and sighed.
"you want to explain why it looked like you were about to fucking collapse just for a damn cigarette?"
seokjin turned towards hoseok, who's arms were crossed and brows furrowed in anger. the older boy felt as if he was drowning, suffocating under an unknown pressure. he struggled to find words, and all he could manage to choke out was incoherent babbling. "i-i don't know, i j-just- fuck!"
and the hot tears streamed down his cheeks once again but he wiped them away furiously. "i'm a mess, hoseok."
all the said boy could do was stare though, eyes filled with sadness as he watched his friend breakdown, more unwanted tears soaking his pale face. seokjin slumped down onto the couch, taking in another drag and letting his head fall back into the cushion.
"i'm so fucked." the older boy murmured. hoseok walked around the couch and sat down into the couch to snuggle into seokjin's side, head resting over his shoulder in attempt to make him feel better.
"don't put the bud out against your skin, jin-hyung."
hoseok grabbed the burning cig and put it out against the coffee table before engulfing his trembling friend in a warm embrace once again.
silence filled the room but neither of the boys wanted to break it. they had to though. seokjin knew he had to.
"i've been smoking a lot lately." he began, his voice small and filled with a hint of fear which hoseok made sure to keep in mind.
"i smoked my entire pack yesterday and had to ask namjoon for 3 more because i felt like i was gonna fucking pass out if i didn't."
"hyung, your pack was literally full at the beginning of the week."
"my point exactly. i've had that one pack for like what? 4 months? and in those 4 months i only smoked 3 times, 2 which were your cigarettes. and all of the sudden i finished the whole pack in only 6 days."
cue the tears.
hoseok made sure to tighten his hold around seokjin, planting small kisses over his cheek as well as a few on his bruised neck from time to time. the marks didn't go unnoticed but hoseok decided to leave his questions for another time. "shh, hyung. we'll figure this out later. just rest, don't stress, okay?"
seokjin's nod was shaky as well as the inhale that he took and gently, hoseok placed the other's head over his lap, running his thin fingers through the boy's hair as he whispered comforting words into his ear. he soothed his friend to sleep and soon they were both surrounded by silence, the only difference being that hoseok was awake and concerned.
