Don't Let Me Be Gone~A Tythan Story

I can't have these feelings

*Tyler's POV*

I woke up to a soft snoring sound coming from my left side. I tried to move but I realized I had two arms wrapped around my waist. I blushed really hard, and looked over at the time which read 10:58am.

I knew I had to get up. I had plans today. I tried to get up but Tyler squeezed my waist a little tightly which made me yelp in pain.

"E-Ethan? Are you okay?" I turned over to see Tyler rubbing his eyes. "Did I hurt you?" No, he didn't. Like, he did, but it's not because he squeezed me hard, it's just because I haven't eaten in a while. I made a sandwich yesterday, but I never ate it. I just took it to my room and through it away.

"No, you didn't. I just need to get up okay?" He looked sad. I could tell he just wanted to stay in bed. "What plans do you have for today, Ethan?" I felt uncomfortable by that question because I can't actually tell him that. "Don't worry about it okay? I will be back in a couple hours okay?" He just nodded.

I got up and headed to my suitcase to grab my clothes. I walk into the bathroom and put on a pair of black skinny jeans, a baggy jumper, and my black and white converse. I messed with my blue hair to make it look decent, then walked out of the bathroom.

I walk back into my room, where Tyler wasn't in my bed anymore. I'm guessing he just went back to bed in his room. I grab a backpack and headed back to my suitcase. I drop my dirty clothes into the corner and I grab the stuff I needed. I grabbed a notebool, a couple black pens, a water bottle, and my pills. I put my stuff in my backpack and went searching for Tyler.

I walk into his room to see him sleeping. I decided not to bother him and just leave.

I now was heading to a park, that no one ever went to. No one was here, but a couple ducks was in the pond. I open my back pack and took out the water and my pills.

I took the proper amount and swallowed them. I then put the back and grabbed the pen and paper.

I started writing. It was about how my life, and how I've been trying to live it to the fullest but failing miserably...

Dear Tyler and Mark,
I don't know when you'll find this, my hopes are you'll find this when I'm dead. I've been depressed for a while, probably for roughly seven years. I thought my pills were helping me, well, that's what my therapist wanted me to think. I love you guys both very much, please don't forget that. And Tyler, I hate how I feel about you. I hate that I'm gay, I hate that I have feelings for you when I know you don't have feelings for me. And Mark, I carw so much about you, I never thought I I would ever meet you, let alone live with you and our good friend Tyler. Please, please know this isn't any of your guys' faults. This is my decision, and I've been thinking about it for a while. I guess I just want to say sorry. I'm sorry that I'm broken and I can't be fixed. I'm sorry I'm unfixable. I'm so sorry.
                     Love, Ethan.

I had tears going onto the paper which made everything around me seem reality. I rip out the piece of paper out of the notebook and folded it neatly. I put the notebook, pen, and the folded piece of paper back in my bag.

I look over to my phone and I realized I had four missed calls from Tyler, but no voicemails. I then look at the time since I said I was going to be gone for a couple hours, my phone read 1:45pm.

Oh, I guess I've been gone for a while. I just layed on the grass and thought for a while. I didn't really feel like going back home anytime soon. After a couple minutes I fell asleep, which surprised me, considering since I can barely sleep even if I take my sleeping pills.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wake up to a tugging at my backpack. I sit up to see a duck biting my backpack with its teeth. "Ahhh! Go away!" I shooed it away. Ugh, I hate ducks, they freak me out.

I look over to my phone to see that I have eight missing calls. Six from Tyler and two from Mark. I looked over at the time yet again and it read 4:38pm.

Shit! I have to edit Marks video! I grab my backpack and phone and started to sprint back home. After running for a good ten minutes I reach home. i open the door to a worried Mark.

"Ethan! What the hell happened?! Me and Tyler were so worried!" I felt so bad, I didn't think I could ever feel worse until I let down the most important people in my life.

"I'm so sorry Mark, I was at a friend's house and I fell asleep." I lied right through my teeth but he didn't see much of it. "Its alright Ethan, just please don't worry us again, okay?" I nodded my head then followed with a, "Where's Tyler?" Mark looked upset then, "He went out looking for you, since you weren't answering our calls." Wow, didn't think I could feel any worse until now. "I'll give him a call." With that I went into my room and locked it immediately. I knew I had to call Tyler.

Ringing Tyler

Tyler: Oh my god Ethan! Are you okay?

Ethan: Fuck, yeah Tyler, I'm at home, please come home.

Tyler: Alright, I'll be home in about thirty minutes.

Then our call ended. I felt so guilty, I made them both worry. "Ugh, why do I have to be like this" I just quietly whispered to myself.

"Hey Ethan! I just sent a video over, edit it in the next two hours okay?" I heard Mark yell from the other room. "Of course Mark!"

I didn't feel like editing a video..i felt very numb.

I knew I needed to edit a video...and I needed to upload a video since I haven't uploaded in a couple days. people are probably worried since I usually upload every day.

I tried to get up but I couldn't. I was numb. I was stuck in my mind.

I eventually got up, but I didn't go to my computer I went to my suitcase. And I grabbed the small velvet red box. I'm already going to break Tyler's promise...do I really want to make everything worse.

But, before I could comprehend what was happening, I was already slicing my skin. I looked down and saw my mutated arms. I wrap gauze around both arms and put everything back in it's usual spot.

"Shit, if Tyler finds out.." Before I could finish my sentence I heard a knock at the door. "Hey Ethan? I'm home, can we talk?" Of course Tyler's home.

I walked over to the door and rolled down my sleeves and unlocked the door. "Hey Ethan, what are you up to?" I had red eyes, but I don't think he noticed.

"I'm editing a video." I said simply. "So, what were you doing all day, me and Mark were worried." Stop making me feel so guilty. "Sorry, I was at a friend's house and I accidentally fell asleep there." He didn't look like he believed it, but he just nodded and walked out the door.

I then closed and locked the door. I headed to my computer and started editing Marks video and sent it to him after and hour of editing.

I then open a file to a video I made a couple weeks ago and edited that, followed by uploading it.

I'm exhausted. I've been so exhausted recently, and I just want it to end.

I grab the note i created at the park and put it in a draw next my bed. I grabbed my three assortment of pills and took the proper dosage. I went to my light and turned it off. I layed it bed and kept thinking about how today was such a mess.

After about twenty minutes I fell asleep with yet again, tears streaming down my face. When will I ever, not cry myself to sleep?