Don't Let Me Be Gone~A Tythan Story

Why? Just why?

*Ethan's POV*

I've been taking my new medication and my old medication for roughly a month now. My therapist asks me everytime I'm there if they're working. I say yes to avoid struggle. But the truth is, is that I just feel worse.

I've been sleeping in a lot latley. I will wake up at two in the afternoon and go to bed at eleven. But, I'm not sleeping. I'm crying. There's a difference.

Tyler and Mark just think I've been overly tired on the outside, but I'm just mentally tired and I don't remember a time where I haven't cried myserlf to sleep.

"I thought I was getting better." I whisper to myself. Tyler and Mark are getting groceries right now, so they won't be back for at least an hour.

Like they promised, they haven't checked my wrists or my food intake for over a month. That was a bad idea.

I've relapsed on cutting.
Not just once.
Not just twice.
But I good twelve times.

I've relapsed on my eating habits as well.

I'm severley underweight. I'm 102 pounds. My goal is 95.

I should've just told them that I don't trust myself, but I didnt. And that's why I'm such a fuck up.

My feelings for Tyler have grown so much stronger. That's another reason I've relapsed with my eating, it's because I want to be perfect for Tyler.

I rolled up my sleeves to be met with the ugly scars. I scratched them to try to avoid the urges, but they just grew stronger.

"Hey Ethan! We're home!" I hear Mark yell from the kitchen.

I can't breathe.
The urges are so strong
"Fuck, I cant."
I'm trying so hard to convince myself to not relapse...
But, no. Instead of relapsing I fall right into a panic attack.

My breathing was shortening. My head was getting lighter, and I started to feel dizzy. I held my knees to my chest and started to cry.

*Tyler's POV*

"I'm going to check on Ethan, okay? Can you cook dinner?" I gave him a reassuring smile. "Of course, go check on your boyfriend." I just scoffed and walked away.

I knock on Ethan's door to be polite, but I just here whispering.

"Why, why, no, no, I can't!"

At this point Ethan was almost screaming. I open the door to find a small blue boy, swimming in a jumper, and crying.

"Ethan? What the hell, are you okay?" I knew that was a dumb question but it's my first instinct when I see someone hurt.

I slowly start to walk towards him. "No! Don't come closer! I'm a monster, I don't want to hurt you." He was yelling but by the time the he got to the end of his sentence, he was barley above a whisper.

I walk up to him anyway and sit down in front of him. I reach over and pull him into a tight hug. He restrained at first, but then he hugged me back.

He started clawing at my back, trying to fight his attack. I slowly rub his back and whisper in his ear, "Everything is okay, just breathe."

After doing this for a good ten minutes, he finally started to relax. "Tyler, I'm sleepy." He rubs his eyes as I give him a small giggle.

I lift him up and put him in his bed. I then turn off the lights and left the room since Mark was still making dinner.

"Hey Tyler, what happened in there?" I just sighed, "He had a panic attack. I haven't seen him this bad in a while, do you really think he's getting better?" Mark just shrugged as he adds butter to the freshly cooked spaghetti.

"I'm guessing he's not eating?" I shook my head, "No, I put him to bed, he was pretty worn out."

*Ethan's POV*

After Tyler left, I just felt like utter shit. I didn't want him to see me weak when he thought I was doing so well this entire time.

I wanted him to stay here with me and give me warm hugs and snuggles. But, were not a thing, and it will never be a thing. Because I'm broken, and nobody wants broken things.

At this point I've been trying to go to bed for hours. I decided to go downstairs and get two saltines, because I started to feel nauseas and dizzy from not eating in a couple days.

It was 1:46 in the morning, so I knew no one was going to be up.

I walk down the hall and into the kitchen and grab two saltines, like I promised myself. I also grabbed a water bottle since I was extremely dehydrated.

"Ethan? What are you doing up so late?" I heard Mark call in the doorway of the kitchen. "Oh. sorry Mark, did I wake you?" He shook his head, "No, I haven't been able to sleep lately." I pull my sleeves so now that I have sweater paws.

"Why not Mark?" He looked so broken. "I just broke up with my girlfriend a couple days ago." I was confused. OH, it was that one girl I came home from therapy, that was sucking his face off.

"Why Mark? You both seemed so happy?" I guess all happy things come to an end eventually. "Yeah, I told her I was bisexual and she didn't approve at all, and I've been having a crush on another person, but never told her."

Who does he have a crush on? "Aw Mark, I'm so sorry it didn't work out. So, who's the lucky person?" He started blushing, "You know Jack right?" I nod my head, "Oh my god! you have a crush on Jack?!" He quickly shushed me, "Do you want to wake Tyler?" I just giggled.

I went to walk back to my room but Mark stopped me before I had a chance. "Hey Ethan? How have you been latley?" I shrugged, "Okay I guess, just a little stress but that's all." Mark turned his head to the side in confusion. "Stressed? Let me guess, it's about Tyler?" What, how the fuck-"How did you know?" I was so confused at this point.

"I see the way you look at him, and they way he looks at you. Face it Ethan, you're in love with Tyler." I sighed, there's no reason to hold back now. "Yeah? So what, he will never like me back." I tugged my sleeves again. "Eth, please tell me you haven't relapsed?" Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

I just shook my head, "Of course not Mark, I'm getting better." He didn't seem convinced but just ignored it. "Ethan, you love him. Don't let him go, you'll regret it."

And with that, we both went to bed. I felt bad about lieing to Mark. But if I told him, he would've told Tyler.

I go to the bathroom and take all four different types of pills and then attempt to go back to sleep, even though I was wide awake.

After my failed attempt, I turned on my desktop and grabbed my ps4 and started to play MarioCart.

And that was the rest of my morning, wasted.