Between Boyfriends (Book 1 in the Between Boyfriends Series)

Chapter 18

When she got the call from the bank informing her that she had been approved for the loan, Jan and her friends had thrown an impromptu party. The party had involved wine coolers, Chinese takeout, and to Jan's delight, a marathon of Sex and the City. Although Jan was relieved that she would be able to continue with her education, she was also distracted by the need to talk about her conflicting feelings about her ex-boyfriend. She wished she could vent about Danny as well, but that would mean being the one to tell Becki her boyfriend was a cheat, and that was not an option. She would be happy just settling her mind about Mike.

If I can't talk to my friends, who can I talk to? Jan had asked herself that question many times throughout the celebration, and quite a few times since. It was almost the end of January and she figured it was about time to put an end to her obsession.

To want him back, or not to want back? That is the real question that had been plaguing Jan since New Year's Day. She had hoped thinking about Mike again had been a reflexive action to seeing him face to face.

So, she tried to reason it out for herself. She had made a vow in September that she would never date again, but did that include men with whom she'd already had a relationship? Dating meant getting to know someone and taking a chance on a new guy. If she got back together with Mike, the worst he could do was break her heart again. It certainly couldn't be as bad the second time around. She figured that her body must have built up immunity to being hurt by her ex, as one would to the flu or chicken pox.

Then why did thinking about him now make her heart ache and her stomach clench? She felt giddy and scared at the same time when she considered orchestrating a reunion. She had no doubt in her mind that she could get him back if she wanted to. Being out of the dating game for so long had given her some perspective, and she realized that every time she had tried to get closer to her former significant others — by buying them gifts, doing favors for them, or planning the perfect date — she had been rewarded with the cold shoulder. It was when she had inadvertently gotten busy with school or some project that they had started paying attention to her again.

All she needed to do was put herself in Mike's path when she looked amazing and then ignore him. He'd wonder why she wasn't interested anymore. And every time he tried to make her want him again, she'd act indifferent. It would drive him crazy.

But is that what she really wanted? Part of her said yes, but an equal-sized part of her said no. She realized that she was right back where she started: nowhere.

Jan reached over and turned up the radio to drown out her unhelpful thoughts. She was on her way to an early morning tennis lesson with Gordon. He had agreed to teach her twice a week in exchange for some filing on her part. She knew he only asked her to do the work so she didn't feel like she was accepting charity. Jan appreciated the effort, and was happy to do him a favor in return, but he needn't have bothered. She was not above taking charity.

At least listening to the radio was still free. Since she'd put herself on a strict budget in an effort to not get evicted from her apartment, buying new magic had become a luxury of the past. It was time for Jan to become better acquainted with San Diego's radio shows.

After flipping through several stations, she landed on her favorite rock station. She listened to members of the show giving advice to a caller who was bitching about his girlfriend's questionable interest in her old flame and suddenly became hopeful that maybe these were people she could talk to. The six members of the morning show were unbiased strangers. Hopefully, they would be as brutally honest with her as they were with the guy who had just called in.

As for the people listening in on their radios, Jan had a plan. She'd give a fake name, disguise her voice, and no one would know it was her.

Jan dialed the number to the radio station. A guy with a sexy Boston accent picked up on the other end.