the only one // h.s

chapter 4

Harry's p.o.v

She asks the question I've been dreading. Out of all the things she could have asked...she had to choose this. I gather my courage and manage to say the words with as much dignity as possible, under the circumstances.

"I committed suicide."

She doesn't look at me in a horrified or disgusted way, which is what I thought she would do. Her face is full of compassion. She slowly walks over and reaches her arms out. For a moment I think I am alive again. Her fingertips brush over what should be my shoulder. They go through me, like always. My human moment is gone.

She hastily moves her arms away.

She sits down on the forest floor and I mimic the action. Wishing I can feel the pine needles under my feet, even though I'm not all too fond of that feeling. Feeling anything would be better than feeling nothing.

But I do feel one thing. Pain.

Not physical pain, but emotional pain.

Pain is the single worst thing you can feel. It consumes your entire body in a force field of emotion. Not a good emotion. It make you do things that you regret. It's a feeling I've become all too familiar with. I'm ready to feel something different. Anything.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

This is the first time she speaks since I made the confession.

A sigh falls from my lips. I don't want to have to bring back the memories. I don't want her to think I'm weak. No matter how hard I try to fight them off, they come flooding back to me all at once. I explain to her every detail of that day.

Flashback

I lazily roll over to check the time. It's 9:00. Her arms are still draped across my chest. Morning sunlight filters in through the curtains, slowly warming my body. She looks so peaceful when she sleeps. Her short blonde hair in a tangled mess across the pillow.

She's everything to me. She saved me. I don't know what I would do without her. The cause of my happiness is her, Violet. Every morning when I wake up and look at her I know this is the reason I'm here. My family is gone and Violet is all I have. She's all I need. She's all I want.

Slowly I get out of bed, careful not to wake her. Today is February 14. Also known as Valentine's day. Violet and I have shared three of these days together. I want to do something special for this one.

I take a quick shower and get dressed.

I grab the keys to my truck and head into town.

Her favorite flowers are daisies. They remind me of her, delicate and beautiful. But also strong enough to withstand storms. I buy her a few daisies along with a glass vase so I can sit them on the table for dinner tonight. I'm not that great of a cook but Violet always appreciates the simple things I do for her.

I get the ingredients for tonight's meal and head home.

I look at my watch, it's 10:15. She's probably awake right now and wondering where I am.

If I had known what I was about to see I don't think I could have managed to walk up the three flights of stairs to our apartment. When I open the door, there she is. My Violet siting on the kitchen counter with her legs spread open and another man between them.

Time slows down. My head is spinning and I feel dizzy. Something falls from my hand and I hear it shatter when it hits the wooden floor. They know I'm here now. Violet turns around and jumps down from the counter. She looks terrified.

"What the fuck Violet."

"Harry, I thought you were at work" she rushes the sentence from her mouth.

She thought I was at work? I always take work off on this day. To be with her. Does she even know what today is? I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. This isn't real. Violet wouldn't do this. She wouldn't do this to me. She loves me.

Doesn't she?

"How long has this been happening?" I don't know how I get the words out of my mouth.

She turns to him. I didn't get a good look at him when I first walked in because the only thing I could focus on was her, but now I see who it is.

My best friend.

"Louis what the hell is going on here" I scream.

I'm not in shock anymore. That emotion was replaced when I saw him. Now I am furious. He knows how much she means to me yet here he is. Fucking MY girlfriend on MY kitchen counter.

"Harry I'm sorry. I've been seeing Violet for a while....I love her."

"NO YOU DONT. YOU DONT LOVE HER. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS. FUCK YOU. GET OUT OF MY HOUSE."

"Harry calm down" Violet walks over to me.

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME"

"I'm sor-"

Before she can finish what she's saying, I slap her. Hard.

Tears well up in her eyes. My hand print is beginning to form in bright red across her cheek.

What did I just do.

"Violet. I didn't mean to do that" I don't know what to say. I can't explain my actions to her. I don't know what happened. I wasn't in control of my body.

I take a step towards her and she backs away. Into his arms.

I can't look at them anymore.

I storm past them into my bedroom and slam the door. Somewhere in the mix of thoughts jumbled in my head I hear the front door open. They left. She left me. I don't blame her. I'm a mess and I don't know how or why she put up with me for as long as she did.

The minutes tick by. I stay in the same place.

It's been several hours since she left, with him. I know she won't be coming back. Maybe it's good for her. She needs someone who isn't me. I'm no good for anyone.

I still remain in the same place on my bed until a thought crosses my mind.

No one cares about me. Not a single person. Violet and Louis are the only people I associate with. After the betrayal from them, I realize I don't have anyone. That's the thought that pushes me over the edge.

I stand up too fast and my vision goes blurry. How long have I been laying here? It doesn't matter. Nothing matters anymore. I walk to the kitchen and grab them. The pills.

I empty the bottle's contents into my hand. I shove them in my mouth and stick my head under the sink, swallowing them all. I feel the mass of plastic covered killers slide down my throat.

Slowly I walk back to the bedroom and lay down. Her scent is on my pillow. I close my eyes for what I hope will be the last time.

It wasn't the last time.

***

Everything in italics is part of the flashback. This isn't the end of the flashback, it will be continued in the next chapter.

I don't like how I had this story written, I deleted a few chapters and re-wrote some. It affects how this story is so please go back and re-read them!!

-m