꒰ CIGARETTES ✔️ ꒱ - CHANGKI ˎˊ˗

..?

dear changkyun,

don't worry, soon you won't have to live around me anymore. or i won't have to live around you more like, haha.

i guess that saying goodbye now is going to be much easier because i never really had the heart to face you and tell you i don't have long left. just a month or two, i guess.

it was pretty hard for me. you know, grasping the concept that i am going to die much sooner than i expected. i hope it's good news for you, though.

but i am not writing this to rant. i just want you to know...

i am sorry for absolutely everything you had to go through because of me. and i am sorry that i hurt you. i am sorry that i hurt you enough for you to start hating me and to not be able to look at me. i am sorry for all the times i have cheated on you and betrayed you. and that i always make you sad.

but, listen... even if you don't believe me, i love you. i always have. i am sorry for not showing it when i had to.

i actually came back to you exactly for that reason - to finally show you just how much i love you, though you still didn't believe it was real. i am not blaming you. it was just a dying boy's last wish, i guess. i wanted you to feel loved and i did all i could.

i really hope that you would come to my grave some day, telling me how you have found someone who is treating you better than i was.

but until that time comes...

could you at least forgive me?

p.s don't be mad at me but i asked minhyuk to take care of you since i won't be able to do it for a really long time. hope you won't miss me too much.

- kihyun