I'll post what I'm thinking or things that I've remembered in here. Yes, it'll be like a diary at times but there are things that I need to get off my chest. Especially if it's something I've remembered.
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"It's best for everyone. I don't trust my own mind."
The decsision was a hard one. It took Bucky hours to decide to take the offer that T'Challa had given him to remove any medling Hydra had done to his mind and body. It also allowed the scientists to shut off any damaged connections and wiring within his arm that caused agonising pain for him. That was always the case for him. Hydra never truly fixed the arm correctly. They always left some sort of lose connection to continue the pain that he was feeling. This was worsened when the arm was blasted off.
The hardest part of making this choice, was Steve. They'd just been reunited with one another after years apart. Bucky didn't know if Steve was prepared to wait even longer for their delayed reunion. But Bucky wanted to be sure of himself first before rekindling what they had before the fall in the Alps. Bucky wanted to be sure the flashbacks were true happenings and not just tortured images from his scrambled brain.
The friendship felt real. He knew that was certain. The time they spent in the jet on the way to Siberia, it was clear how much he meant to Steve. That man went to war against his own team, his friends, just for Bucky. That's why he asked if he was worth it. Because Bucky was the main reason for the rift in the Avengers, in his mind really. Anyone else would see it as being the accords. Bucky just came into the picture at the wrong time.
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Going into Cryo was his choice. He was happy with this choice. He knew that when he woke, briefings weren't to follow, beatings weren't going to follow and most of all, wipings weren't going to follow. He'd step out and hopefully be like the man Steve once knew back in the ninteen thirties and forties. He knew that's what Steve wanted. He wanted his best friend back. So did Bucky.
Yes, he caused Steve a lot of trouble but in the end he was his friend. They promised one another 'Till the end of the line' and Bucky planned on keeping that promise. After all it was him who made it.
He settled himself into the chamber and closed his eyes. For the first time, he was relaxed. The on thing in his head?
