Chapter 2
The bell rang, end of second period. Time for the break. I kept my books and my friends came to my seat. Me, Valerie and Alex headed to the door. I made a quick glance at Jack; and then suddenly, he looked at my direction. I flushed and looked away. My heart raced, our eyes met, that was enough for now. We descended the stairs and I was surprised, my hands were shaking. A single look and it affected me so much. It happened in seconds; but for me, it went on for hours. My friends kept on teasing me while going the down the staircase (which seemed to take forever); and during those times, my heart was still beating faster than normal, hands shaking like crazy and mind trying to congest what happened. It's just a look, it happened in seconds, I kept repeating the mantra over and over again. But whatever it is that happened, I knew that what meant the world to me was nothing to him, that hurt the most. When we reached the cafeteria, my appetite had gone. I just waited for Alex and Valeria near the corner, thinking, What happened was nothing, forget about it., I didn't want to be hurt anymore. It was just a simple look, he didn't mean to glimpse at my direction. Fiddle sticks! one simple look and I'm hallucinating! What if he accidentally holds my hand? Would i get composed? Can I control myself. I have to accept reality, he doesn't love me anymore. He doesn't feel the same way i feel. Valerie and Alex came to me with gleaming smiles, and I smiled back, I had friends who I could count on. Who cares about a guy anyway? We climbed up the stairs and as I stepped on the very last stride, I saw him again. Be calm, I said to myself. I can do this.
We lined up after the bell rang, time for 3rd period. Jack was at the front of the line. As hard as I try, I couldn't help but look at him. I was at the back of the line, I bent over and gazed upon him. He looked so cute in his uniform and happy smile. Valerie thrusted me with her elbow, "Ouch! Heeeey!" I said with an angry expression. I didn't realize everyone was looking at me, the girls have come in except for me and the girls at my back. I flushed and quickly went inside, not looking at Jack (who, at my peripheral vision was laughing), my cheeks reddened even more. I sat on my seat and admired my book for a second, that was really humiliating!. Suddenly, I heard, "Ms.Wilson, would you care to join us for the prayer", I looked around me, and saw everyone standing, looking at me AGAIN! I forgot all about the prayer. "Oops! Sorry!" I laughed and rapidly rose from my seat. Ma'am had an annoying look on her face, What's her problem? I said sorry, didn't I? I was sorta pissed at that time already; but couldn't help but think of the humiliation i felt. This was the worst day ever! The dream, the nerve - wracking look and all these embarrassments. It all happened in one day. Why???!!! I was mad at myself, I was angry at this day and I was irritated with this guy. Must Jack always interfere? He keeps on hurting me; but I know that it's not his fault. It's mine. He doesn't care about me anymore, why am I trying to push myself? Why am I still hoping? The answers to these questions are simple but it's so painful to admit, I LOVE HIM. The problem is, how long can I wait? Will I too get tired of him? But my faith is strong, I believe that love can never ever fade.
I got home, tired. This was a very stressful day. We had tons of assignment to do, I had to get started. I got to the computer and started researching. You don't think I'm that serious right? Of course, I opened my facebook account. You can call it multi-tasking. I typed in "speeches" on the Google search bar and tons of links appeared. Ah. The beauty of the internet. I clicked on the very first link. While waiting, I logged in my fb account and checked my notifications. There were photo tags and comments. I updated my status with "crazy day!" and then checked who was online. There were strangers I just added, my friends and.. Jack He was online again. I went back to my assignment, here we again. Concentrate! I resisted the temptation to talk to him. I read the lines, actually scanned; but I couldn't help it. Jack Jack Jack, this was torture to my head and heart. I just copy and pasted the article to MS word without even bothering to actually read it. I went back to facebook; and saw that the chat box was open with his name. I finally gave-up and typed - in: what's the assignment in english again? :)". With high hopes, I waited for a reply. Surely he wasn't that of a snob to help people in need. Jack was a nice guy; sweet and charming. Stop it! Your making a fool of yourself!. I sighed and got back to Google. I slipped in my fb for a second. My heart sped, I could almost hear it beat. almost. He replied. It's like I hit the jackpot. "speeches" One word and it made a difference. Like I was floating on clouds, smelling fresh roses and feeling his warm touch. Just one word and it made me feel this way. But what made me hurt was I knew that to him it was nothing. To him it was like answering the question of an acquaintance, something that was no importance. I felt a strong sting in my heart. No matter how I try, there's always a downside to this roller coaster of love we had; or at least I had for him. I replied a short "ty" to him; and logged out. I keep on saying to myself to move - on, find someone better, someone worth my time and love. My heart won't listen to my mind, this was the hardest thing. I gave up and went back to homework. Time to study hard.
