Truth or Dare

Chapter 8

After everything happened, Will just stood up and went, mumbling some excuse about having to go to a dinner with his parents. Bullsh*t, I thought. His parents weren't even here.

I sat in the far corner of Ashley's basement, any kind of fun I had before was gone, everything was gone after that stupid dare.

I stared out the window, watching as the rain continued, the thunder shaking me once in a while.I could hear every single droplet hit the roof.

For a second, I wished to be one of these droplets, to be far, far away.

I suddenly stoop up, "Er, I have to, bye guys." I waved numbly, before walking towards the door.

Ashley's house wasn't that far from mine, only a 15 minutes walk.. in the rain.

"No you can't walk in the rain!" Amber cried out.

"I'll take you home!" Chloe said softly.

"I can take you home." Abby proposed.

"No, guys please, I want to think, alone." I smiled vaguely.

They let me go, although they all still had suspicious looks, I told them not to worry, as I exited Ashley's house.

I started walking, as the rain hit against my skin, just as if I could feel every single droplet hit me.

Taking my phone out, I tried to call Will, to tell him we could just ignore what happened. After a few rings I figured he wouldn't want to talk to me.

I sent him a text, asking if he wanted to come over later.

"No" Was his simple response, such a cold, and faraway answer.

That's when I realized I was crying, which quickly turned out into sobs, long sobs.

Pulling my ipod out, I put it on shuffle. It automatically went on 'It WIll Rain' by Bruno Mars, and I feltlike it was just the perfect song for the moment.

If you ever leave me, baby,

Leave some morphine at my door

Cause it would take a whole lot of medication

To realize what we used to have,

We don't have it anymore.

A thought popped into my head.. what if..?

No, I had promised Will I would never do it again. He made me swear, but.. right now it felt like it was the only thing I wanted to do

 That's what happens when I have a bad day, everytime something bad happens, it just draws me back to bad habits.

If I start doing it again, it will become addictive again.

But right now, I'm having one of those melt downs, which I haven't had in almost a year.

I didn't want to go into depression again, not like last year.. not when everything went tumbling down.

Are you surprised? Behind my happy, giggly personality, this is who I am. The smiles, they're fake, the laughs? They're usually forced too.

But when I'm with Will, I can be myself, I can act normal, I can talk about everything.. because he just knows everything I've been through, he's the one that discovered it.

My sobs got louder, and i probably looked like a right mess, with my soaking brown hair and smudged makeup, but who cares?

I finally got to my house, completly drenched with both rain and tears.

I walked towards my kitchen, still smelling the faint smell of pasta bolognese, probably what my Dad ate for lunch.

There was a yellow note on the fridge, and I decided to go and have a look at what it said.

'Max and me are going fishing for the weekend, I left money in the cookie jar. Invite some friends over or something? 

Love you lots, call me if you need to-

Dad xx'

Great, I had the house to myself. Invite some friends? Never. I walked to my room, as a silent tear slid on my cheek. How could I mess things up so easily? Stupid, stupid girl.

I'm worthless, I mess up everything. I hate myself, I really do. My depression was overflowing me, coming back so quickly. It usually took me a week to know I've become depressed again.. to start doing all these things again, but right now I knew I had fallen in deep, deep depression in less than a few hours.

I had to do it, I just had to. I ran upstairs, and grabbed the item that would help relieve all the pain..

A razor.

I looked down to my wrists, where all my old scars were, I hadn't done this in a while.

I dug the blade into my wrists, as the blood flew out, quicker than the tears that were coming out of my eyes. I dug in again, and again, the physical pain making me forget about all my problems. I deserved the pain, I'm worthless.

You know what they say? Old habits die hard.

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A/N: Sorry for the late upload, this was a very emotional chapter for me to write.

I couldn't sleep after writing this, it just made me think so much. Can you guys believe Jess self harms?

Will was being a bit of a jerk in this chapter, but give him a break, he just kissed his best friend whom he has feelings for.

Next upload: Sometimes this week. I'm going to Paris so I don't really have a fixed day for writing, but I promise I will.

Listen to 'For the first time' by the script, it defines this great, just like the song on the side-->

Love you guys,

xxx