dear j,
i love Peter pan.
he taught me to never say goodbye, because saying goodbye means going away, and going away means forgetting, and i will never forget you.
you know that place between asleep and awake? that place where you know youre dreaming? that's where i will always love you, where i will always be waiting.
i want to go to Never Neverland.. i don't want to grow up, because growing up means forgetting and i don't want to forget this pain, because i don't ever want to have to go through it again.
i get random attacks of sadness, and just start crying.. over you.
my appointment was silly. i hate it. i have to go see a psychiatrist soon. my next trellis appointment is this.. wednesday? tuesday? i don't know, i don't care.
your testimony, or trial, or court date or whatever is on the 26th.. are you nervous? i am.
i didn't take my pills for a few days.. quite frankly, i think im bi-polar.. my moods swing so quickly. i was reading a book, and smiling and all of a sudden, i started to cry.. of sadness.
remember that one time we went to Victoria park? me, you, and mum.. and the lion statue, we sat on it.. i don't know, the memories choppy.. but i remember his it was a sunny day in the big open field, where we laid under a tree, and you told me i had laid in doggy doodoo.. we shared a water bottle, it was so hot, especially for canada.
you may not remember, but i sure as hell do. my heart aches at it, the memory.. it hurts to know its over.
most people would be fine with that, because they know they can make more memories with them, better ones at that.. but our days are.. over.
i miss you, our memories.. i can't leave until i see you.. just one more time, and then i'll be free..
signed,
