Family Forever (Book 5 in Nemi Forever series)

Chapter 17

Demi

As I watched Nick walk away from me & go into Kevin's house, I felt so much regret I could scream. Was I choosing my career over my family? Was I really okay with my babies living in New York for a few months while I lived L.A.? I knew I was going to be working in the studio at all different times in the day. Rafe was working me in wherever he could, so it could be in the middle of the night or early in the morning. I wasn't happy about leaving the babies, but I didn't want to keep them from Nick anymore. I know how much he was looking forward to them being here with him in New York, while he finished this play. I know how upset Nick was with me right now & I honestly, couldn't blame him. I would have been, too, if the tables were turned. I hoped he would understand, more, once he calmed down. In a few months, I would be done with my album & he would be done with this play & we would all be together again. Well, at least until he had to shoot the movie. 

We tried to have fun as a family that day & the kids did, thankfully. They didn't know daddy was mad at mommy or that mommy was leaving them after this week for who knows how long. Nick didn't talk to me a whole lot that day, unless it was in front of the kids. He diverted most of his attention to the twins or to his brothers. It was as if I wasn't even there, sometimes. His mom, of course, noticed & she knew what was going on so she would throw me a sympathetic glance every now & again. She'd come up & rub my back in a comforting way, then lean in to whisper, "It'll be okay. It's just a tiny bump in your road to forever." 

I wished that had been the case. It was actually a tiny bump right before a humongous cliff, that I wasn't even sure would let us get to forever. If only I had listened to my husband & concentrated on his feelings, then maybe things would have been different. Or maybe they wouldn't have been.  

The car ride, back to the city, was a quiet one. The twins slept, of course & Nick just sang along to the radio, ignoring me for the most part. I tried to bring it up, but Nick wasn't having it. 

"It's only three or four months, then my album will be done." I said in a low voice just as we got to the bridge to New York. 

Nick threw me a quick look, then glanced in the rear view mirror. "We're not talking about this now. Not in front of the kids." He said in a hushed tone. 

"They're sleeping." I responded, quietly. 

"They can still hear us & if we talk about this, I'm going to get loud, because I'm still pretty upset." He was talking in an angry whisper & I saw how serious he was, by the look in his eyes, when they met mine, briefly. 

"Okay. Sorry." I looked out the window as tears filled my eyes. A moment later, Nick started singing, quietly, to the radio. My heart was breaking, but it was my own fault. I hated when Nick was mad at me. I was being selfish right now. I knew that. But at the same time, I couldn't help it. There was a force inside me that was making me be this way. I had so many feelings in my head & my heart, that I was dealing with. I knew I should have talked to Nick about them, but I didn't. I was talking to my counselor about them & she insisted I talk to Nick, but I ignored her. I don't know if it would have made a difference. I think it would have just hurt Nick's feelings & made him more insecure about me working on this album without him. As I sat in silence in the car, while we drove home, I tried to remember all that I had to be grateful for. I was incredibly thankful to have Nick as my husband & I couldn't thank God enough for bringing these two beautiful children, asleep in the backseat, into my life. I was going to miss them like crazy, but it comforted me to know that they would be with Nick as much as possible. I know how much he missed them & if I took them with me back to L.A., I felt like that would be selfish of me.  

Nick & I carried the twins up to the apartment & into their rooms & we would get the boxes the next morning or have Mike bring them up. We both laid the kids down in their beds, quietly, then we headed to our room in silence. I wanted to talk to Nick & try to get him to understand more as to why I was doing this, but I didn't want to start a fight before we fell asleep. Nick still seemed mad or sad, it was hard to tell. I think he went back & forth between those emotions. I could, literally, feel my heart breaking, knowing how upset Nick was. I could tell when I looked at him that he was trying to be supportive but wasn't happy with me, so he had internal conflict. I could read his face like a book. He wouldn't look at me, either. That was because he was trying to either not get emotional or he didn't want me to see something in his eyes just yet. Tonight, as I watched, him I was pretty sure he didn't want to get emotional. I wanted to look into his eyes to see if I could read anything other than the sadness. I would keep trying until morning.