Family Forever (Book 5 in Nemi Forever series)

Chapter 22

Nick

The Weday concert was excruciating. In fact, being around Demi, at all, was excruciating. I couldn't stand the sound of her voice or stand the sight of her smile. I didn't want to hear her laugh. All of these things reminded me of what I lost & what I loved with all my heart. They reminded me of what she threw away in one fleeting moment of weakness. I was trying to hate her, because I was so angry & that emotion was an easier one. It also kept me from breaking down in tears every few minutes. I acted as if I hated her. I didn't hate her. I couldn't hate her. I just hated what she did. I would always love her. She was the mother of my children. My best friend. I shut off my feelings of love for her, however, so it seemed to everyone that I hated her. Probably even to her. I have gotten so good at shutting off my feelings over the years, it was pretty easy to do. Especially with Demi. I had done it for so many years when we were just friends & then after she broke my heart. It was if I had a button on my heart that I pressed when I didn't want to feel anything toward her. Sometimes, though, it was hard to keep that button shut off.... like when she was with our kids. It was heart wrenching to be with her & our kids at the same time.  

As we were getting ready to leave for L.A. the day after the Weday concert, Demi stopped me in the lobby of the hotel. "I'm sorry about the meltdown yesterday." Demi said, looking down at her hands, twisting her wedding ring. 

"It's fine." I replied.  

Her eyes came up to look into mine & I had to look away, quickly. Those eyes. I couldn't look into them right now. It was bad enough I had to see those eyes on my children. It was painful to look into hers. The eyes I had been drawn to from the moment I looked into them, for the very first time. The eyes that I fell in love with, over the years, every time she smiled at me. God, that smile. I was glad she didn't have a lot to smile about these days, because I would probably grab her & take her into my arms & forgive her. Then I would get my heart mutilated at some point after that, yet again. I had learned my lesson. As much as it hurt, I couldn't be with her anymore. I couldn't take it anymore. I had no more forgiveness, for her, left in me.  

"Am I going back to the house then?" Demi asked. 

I nodded, swallowing. "Yea. I'll come over on Tuesday & that works out so I can spend my birthday with them."  

Demi's eyes grew sad. "Your birthday." She said in a low voice, almost to herself. "Okay, then." She looked away. "See you Tuesday." She turned & left with Marissa. 

I watched her walk away, trying not to feel anything. My switch was off, but sometimes it felt like a dimmer switch. The feelings would creep in, then go away just as quickly. I couldn't take much more. This is why I threw myself into my work. 

I was working with Skye & she was amazing. Pretty, too. Not even pretty. That word didn't do her justice. She was gorgeous & sexy. I was a man, after all. I wasn't exactly attracted to her, but that could be due to the fact that I wasn't ready to move on yet. I usually moved on fast after a breakup, but, now, I was married with kids. Things have changed. 

Skye & I do some flirting & we enjoyed hanging out in the studio together. She was a lot of fun & she knew about the troubles with Demi, but she never brought her up unless I did. I tried not to talk about Demi whenever possible. Most of the people in my life knew not to bring her up as well. It was not a subject I wanted to talk about.  

I got to the house on Tuesday night after the kids were in bed. Demi was ready to go & barely said a word to me. Was she finally taking a hint? Was she finally giving up on us? Was she done trying to convince me to forgive her? I felt a little bit of sadness with that last question. Did I want her to give up? I, honestly, had no idea what I wanted. It depended on the day or the hour.