I can fix your broken heart

I remember his smile made me hurt, because I couldn't do the same. I remembered the love he showed me, that I couldn't give back.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Adams, but he's dead."

As the words hit me, I was struck with, well, happiness, but then, the grief struck. He was the only person left who actually love me, and now, he's gone. I'm alone again.

I fell to the floor and curled up in a ball and sobbed the whole night.

On the day of his funeral, I saw some of his family there. I didn't say anything to them, I didn't really speak to anyone. They didn't like me, and even if they did, what was there to say.

I was trying to keep myself together, so I didn't start bursting in tears. I just kept to myself, and tried to hold it in. They still gave me dirty looks, with their puffy eyes.

They think it's my fault that he became like this, when in reality, sure I was in dark places, and doing bad things, but he picked me up on his way to this kind of life, I just went along for the ride, and decided to blend in.

As his coffin was being lowered into the ground, I felt tears roll down my cheeks. I didn't know what to do anymore, I was on the streets again, alone. I was tired of it.

I heard multiple, loud, sobs. I looked up, I saw a familiar car. I looked at the people inside of it, and I immediately recognized them. They were the ones who shot him, my fiancé.

The police thought it was a hit and run, they said he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. I knew it was bullshit. He owed some people money for drugs. He didn't pay them in time though, he said he'd get the money, and he kept delaying it. They got tired of him pushing it off, so they shot him.

They knew, about me, that I was his lover, but they left me alone, but I knew the moment that I opened my mouth, I would be a goner. That's why I didn't tell the cops. I would've been dead before the cops got enough evidence to put me away.

As I saw them drive off, I started to think: maybe they were going to kill me, they knew I did the drugs too, but they just didn't kill me because they knew that just killing him would be enough to hurt me too.

I closed my eyes, and decided to stop thinking of it. When I opened my eyes, I hoped that this would all be gone, and he'd be walking through the door again. But it wasn't. This was really happening. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't change it.

After he was fully buried, and everyone was starting to leave, I took one last look at the small, stick in, tombstone that is put in before the real one goes in. It read: "Carlos Michael Lopez, July 14, 1989 - September 8, 2014".

After I looked at it, I started to walk back to the small, dirty apartment we used to own. I knew I couldn't even afford that, and I would have to be out of it in like two days.

I started to walk, and cry, at the same time. It started to rain, so I started running, but I wasn't running to the apartment. I was just running, and I knew exactly where I was going.

I stopped running as soon as I got to my destination. I was at the bridge. I didn't even hesitate I grabbed a high part on the rail, so I could get on top of the rail.

I looked down and started to hesitate. I was having second thoughts.

Nobody will ever want you.

Your own mother didn't even love you, what makes you think someone else will?

You're a filthy whore.

I wouldn't touch that spoon if I were you, Avery just touched it, and I wouldn't want you to get AIDS.

You fucking bitch, you can't fucking do anything right.

Ew it almost touched me, I could've gotten an STD!

No one will ever love you!

All of that, and more, was buzzing through my mind, and then the second thoughts were gone. I was going to jump.

"Woah, woah, woah. What's going on?" A man said, as he stopped his car, then got out of it.

"None of your business, just leave me alone!" I said.

"I can't, 'cause now I'm involved." He said, I just rolled my eyes.

"This is not fucking Titanic, so leave me the hell alone! You're not Jack and I'm not Rose, you're not going to jump after me if I jump, so beat it!" I said getting upset.

"No, no, I know that. I plan to stop you before you jump." He said.

"And if I do!"

"Honestly, if you do jump, I wouldn't know what to do at that point."

"Exactly!"

"Well you did say if you jump, so that means you're still thinking about it."

"Ugh, well I'm done thinking about it so goodbye!"

"Wait, wait, wait, okay, I'll tell you what, instead of this, why don't you just come on a date with me."

"What the hell! No!"

"Come on, if you think about it, going on a date with me is a worse punishment than this."

"Do you not understand the word no?!"

"I'm not leaving here 'til I get a straight up answer."

"Okay, no!"

"Alright, change of plans, I'm not leaving here until you agree to a date with me."

"Go away!!"

"I'll tell you what, if you don't have a good time on the date, then I'll bring you right back here, and let you go on with this, but if you do have a good time, than I'll give you my number and take you home, and it's your choice whether you want to call back or not, but you'll at least stay at home and not do this. Okay?"

"Ugh, if I agree to the stupid date, would you leave me the hell alone whether I have a good time with the date or not."

"You won't ever here from me again, unless you call me."

I hesitated about it, then I looked down one last time.

"Fine."

I started to come down from the railing. He rushed over to help, to make sure I don't fall.

"I got it, I got it." I said, frustrated.

We were both soaked from the rain.

He opened the passenger side of the door for me, I took this moment to actually look at him, he had nice black hair (which was now a bit ruined from the rain), sparkling blue eyes, he was also a few inches taller than me, he didn't look bulky, he looked innocent and pure, had a sweet half smile. The smile was sweet, innocent, nice, and a bit geeky, but it was also pure.

I got into the car, then he got into the car.

I started to look down at my knees, and I thought about his smile. His smile made me hurt more, because I knew that I have never truly had that kind of smile in a very long time, and I felt like it was never going to return.