sillage {joshler}

viii

((tw// self harm))

Josh felt the panic attack crash down on him like a wave over the rocks, his breathing shallow as he slowly sat back down.

"They- they think he's dead?" The words terrified him, ice shot down his spine, he really couldn't breathe.

"Hey, hey it's alright." Dallon soothed, rubbing his back. "But, Josh if you know why his blood is in your car, you need to tell them." He added carefully. Josh rubbed his eyes again but nodded slowly. Just then detective Williams returned to the room and resumed the tape.

"Apologies for that Joshua, now disregarding prior few minutes in which my co-worker accused you of a crime we have no reason to suspect you of. Now can we get back to you telling me why Tyler's blood was in your car?" She smiled prettily and Josh took a deep breath, glancing at Dallon for reassurance. He nodded his encouragement.

"A-about two weeks before he disappeared he-" Josh felt bile rise in his throat at the memory but he swallowed it. Closing his eyes hard to block out the sight, but it was already playing like a horror movie behind his eyes. Josh willed himself to keep talking.

Tyler hadn't talked to him all evening, and Josh had practically jumped when his phone had rung.

He answered immediately, "Tyler?"

"J-josh." His voice sounded too far away, his breathing ragged.

"I'm here what's wrong?" Josh immediately began fumbling for his hoodie and his shoes, sandwiching the phone between his cheek and his shoulder as he struggled to put them on.

"I-I made a mistake."

"Where are you? Are you in your house? I'm coming to get you."

"Jos-Josh I- there's so much blood, oh god, there's so much-" Tyler sounded weak and distraught. Josh was already running to his car.

"Tyler, hang in there, baby, okay?" Josh wanted to slap himself as the pet name slipped out but Tyler let out a weak chuckle as Josh fumbled to put the phone on speaker and in the holder so he could keep talking while he drove, his hands shaking.

"I like that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I like it when-" He trailed off and Josh panicked.

"You like it when I call you baby?" He prompted desperately.

"It makes m-me feel safe." Tyler choked out.

"Good. Now keep talking to me okay baby boy? Tell me- tell me something that makes you happy?" He was definitely speeding but he was almost there.

"Y-you, you make me," he took a deep breath, "so happy."

"I do?" Josh sniffed trying to swallow the panic, Tyler whimpered, his voice sounding far away again. "Tell me why?"

"Be-because you're like the sun why wouldn't you make anyone who met you happy?" Josh wanted to cry but he fought through it, pulling up outside of Tyler's house.

"It h-hurts Josh, there's so much-I'm sorry." He could hear Tyler sobbing and he felt adrenaline pump through his veins, climbing the tree outside Tyler's window at lightning speed, only to find the window half open, he scrambled inside and ran to the bathroom.

"Tyler." He said opening the door, not caring if any of Tyler's family were home, if they were, they deserved to know. He wasn't prepared for the sight. Tyler was lay in a pool of his own blood; it was all over his clothes a large gash on his stomach seemingly the cause. Josh took a deep breath, he scrambled for a towel, pressing it to the wound. Tyler dropped the phone from where it was weakly holding it to his ear. He attempted a weak smile but his eyes were fluttering.

"I'm so sorry." Tyler sobbed again as Josh moved him into his lap. Not caring that he got blood on his hoodie.

"It's okay baby, you're okay." Josh soothed, brushing sweaty locks of hair off Tyler's face. The towel wasn't helping, "Shit."

Without another word Josh scooped Tyler up in his arms, he ran out of the house only pausing to shut the door, hoping it locked behind him. "Hang in there okay?' Josh said, placing a soft kiss to his forehead as he put Tyler on the backseat. Tyler nodded sleepily.

Josh immediately began driving to the hospital, playing the radio loud enough for Tyler to hear as he tried to keep him singing along, to keep him conscious.

"Help me please!" he shouted as he held Tyler in his arms in the middle of the hospital entrance. A handful of nurses gasped at the blood and the unconscious boy in Josh's arms taking him and wheeling him away, immediately shouting about surgery.

Josh remembers the sheer terror of watching him be wheeled away and the overwhelming relief when he was told Tyler was going to be alright. Relief that was ripped away when the terror came back when Josh woke to a world where Tyler went missing.