My Untold Story

Public vs. Private

Hanggang sa nagHighschool nalipat sa ibang school at natutong mag-ayos ng konti. Studying from private to public was a big adjustment. Iba't ibang tao makakasalamuha mo hindi gaya nung elementary days na iisa o dadalawa lang section namin. Pero sa High school? 1st year palang jusko 10 sections ata. Luckily, I belong to the Special Science Class which have entrance exam para makapasok dun. But sad to say, nagstay yung bestfriend ko sa dati naming school. Pero I can still keep in touch with him pa rin naman eh. Wala na nga lang ako makakakulitan. 

Freshman days, eto yung nakakakaba na araw knowing my 2 close friends magkasama sa ibang section which means ako lang nahiwalay sa kanila. Promise yung moment na to gusto ko na magback out at bumalik nalang sa dati kong school. Pero sabi ko "Kaya ko to!" at nakasurvive naman ako sa 1st month ng pasukan pero nahohome sick ako sa dati kong school .. tama ba yung term ko na "homesick"? or naiischoolsick? Haha :D basta namimiss ko yung dati kong school yung mga kaibigan ko pati na yung bestfriend ko. Which I texted one time, nangamusta.. kwento niya sakin may nagkakagusto daw sa kanya na girl. At iniistalk daw siya kaya he asked me a big favor.. ??? I was like O.O he asked me if I could pretend as his girlfriend para tigilan daw siya nung girl. Jusko! 1st year high school. In a relationship? Hindi ko alam gagawin ko. Bakit ako? Bakit ako pa? Bumilis yung tibok ng puso ko. Bakit ganun? Ako? Magpapanggap na girlfriend niya? I shrugged the thought and turned him down. Hindi ko na maalala kung anong exact na sinabi ko sa kanya. Basta ayoko! No! Ayokong magpanggap na girlfriend niya! Kung magkakaboyfriend man ako gusto ko yung totoo (motto ko talaga yan nun. Lol) pero I feel bad about turning my bestfriend down. Naheart break na nga siya sa babaeng gusto niya nung elem. Hindi ko pa siya napagbigyan. 

Several months later, nawalan na kami ng communication which makes me feel sad dahil ba sa tinurn down ko siya? Naiiyak ako nung time na yun. I can't afford losing my bestfriend. Until I heard from a friend na may girlfriend na nga daw siya and guess what? Friend ko pa yung girl. Nung una upon hearing that news natawa ako sabi ko "impossible naman maging sila! Ang layo naman" until I saw them after dismissal magkasama sila. I waved and smiled at them and they did the same thing. But behind those smiles I feel something I can't explain. I ignored it. Every day.. every after dismissal I always see them together with other friends .. Hinihatid niya si girl sa sakayan. And same thing with me I feel something weird which I ignore again. Until one Sunday, after mass. Magkasama ulit sila. Lumapit ako sakanila para mangamusta sa nakikita ko masaya naman sila. And that time do I smell jealousy? Hindi pwede. Hindi maaari kasi bestfriend lang naman niya ko hindi ko naman siya pagmamay-ari. I realized I've fallen in like with my bestfriend yes it should be love pero not totally. I liked my bestfriend without knowing it. Naisip ko na sana pumayag nalang ako maging girlfriend niya. Nung tinanong niya ko about dun naghesitate ako kasi bakit ako magpapanggap na girlfriend niya kung pwede naman niya kong tanungin na maging girlfriend niya di ba? Nung time na yun may nararamdaman na ko sa kanya pero dedma lang! baka one sided lang naman. And now? Nasa huli nga ang pagsisisi. Wala na. May nagpapasaya na sa bestfriend ko. I tried to stay connected with him kaso feeling ko pinagbawalan na siya ng girlfriend niya. So ako naman? Hinayaan na siya.. All I have to do is to be happy for him. Kung si girl man ang kasiyahan niya. Happy na rin ako! J So move on na tayo. Haha :D

At dahil masaya na ang bestfriend ko. I chose to be happy na rin. And I met Yang.. he was  a junior and I was a sophomore. Its my first relationship which made me a little bit uncomfortable. Hindi ako sanay. How did we met? Siyempre uso ang textmate nun at one time tinext niya ko which is nagreply ako curious kung sino siya at nagpakilala naman siya kasi yung iba nagpapanggap pa na iba para lang magustuhan mo sila. Nakuha daw niya number ko sa common friend namin. Gusto daw niya ko makilala since madalas akong napag-uusapan sa grupo nila. Hmm? I'm not Ms. Popular. Not that I know of. Curious daw kung sino ba ako. Then one time sa church nagpakilala siya sakin personally and I just say Hi. Hanggang kilig everywhere and for a couple of months I said yes to be his girlfriend. Madalang kami magkasama sa personal since he is an athlete (tennis player) busy siya sa practices pero madalas naman kaming magkatext. Pero 1st month namin yun yung kasagsagan ng District meet sumunod ang nationals. He tried naman to do his duty as my boyfriend. Inaabangan ako sa school para ihatid sa room at aabangan ulit para ihatid pauwi. Tapos diretso practice na siya ulit. Hanggang sa naging busy na siya which made me feel na parang walang kami. Hindi ko alam kung ganito ba talaga kapag nasa relationship ka. Tama ba yung nararamdaman ko? Well, everyone made mistakes. And Yes I admit I made mistake which I should never let it happen. I fall out of love. Nabaling yung attention ko sa bestfriend niya who always checks on me. Kung kumusta daw ba ko? Kung kumain na ba ko? and the like. Alam ko hindi dapat ako nagpadala sa emotion ko and later on I come to my senses. Mali tong nararamdaman ko! I'm on the wrong track which I correct it immediately. But it was too late. I ruined everything. I feel guilty. So I ended my relationship with Yang which was never easy. Ganun pala yun. Hindi mo alam kung iiwasan mo ba o ano. Imagine na sa iisang school at iisang building kayo. That someone who used to be your lover is now a stranger. Nakakapanibago. But life goes on..