Before you (l.sau)

(5)

Louis sits blankly , his hands holding tightly on to the small piece of paper and if his red nose doesn't scream that he has been crying then he has no way of showing emotions .

His heart hurts , fucking burns inside him and he screams that he wants it out - wants some mad man to take a knife to his chest and constantly cut until he's dead or his heart is in his hand .

The in front door opens , softly cracks and the night air sweeps in and runs up his spine but he's already frozen ,already dead and feeling is something he begs to disappear .

"How long ?" His voice is gripping , fingers toy with the letter and the wood crackles in the fire .

Harry pauses ,shoes half off and hair wild - down said neck and he notes then it's probably the hair , it's probably the eyes and the smoothness of Harry's voice that allows all this to happen .

"How long what ?" Harry peers , hands holding out but Louis doesn't reach out , he stands his ground and that letter is heavier then his whole being .

He wants to burn it , burn it and forget it ever existed .

Wants to cuddle close to Harry's warmth, wants to lay there forever .

"Did y- you love her ?" He questions ,his voice broken and it's then he tosses the note to Harry's feet .

God what is love , I know you said no feelings - that you weren't in the area of that but I have fallen for you ,I have fallen for your smile and everything that comes with you - it's mad really ...

He shakes his head with tears as Harry goes to touch him ,he doesn't want that touch - he wants to burn everything around them and then , then they can die together- she can't have Harry and they will only have each other .

" baby this is about you , I wrote this letter ." Harry whispers ,voice rough and so honest but he has gone mad .

Louis pushes at his chest .

He yells ,and he doesn't care about their son sleeps in the next room .

"You liar !, you fucking liar !" He screams ,grabbing a picture of them and throwing it on the wooden ground - some of the glass cuts his foot and blood spills out only seconds later .

" you didn't want a relationship , in the beginning and god baby I was in love with you from the very beginning ...I was planning on giving you the letter but ." Harry gestures around them , they are here now , they have a family now and that's the reason the letter is aged and old .

"I -I love you so much -" he looks up at harry , hand rubbing his arm as he sobs .

" I will kill us before you can leave me ,I -I know it sounds made but I will kill us because I can't live without you ." Harry knows it's the honest true , that his lover is mad and that someone in their right mind would run away but he feels the same .

"I love you ." Harry whispers , and they lay there ,blood around them and the letter burning in the fire for its now useless - it did little help for they did all this themselves and that woman in his head is fictional .

Fictional and taunting .

I stop writing for a few years , stop after the book about the killing man and I return to this world - I agree writing indulges my insanity and I glance over at the 34 chapter book and it's black cover - I sip coffee and eye it with hate and toss it against the wall .

And then sometimes my hand twitches , I have one more chapter ,I have one more thing to write , I wish the book was endless and maybe that's why I refuse to finish - refuse to sit down and write what's trapped in my mind but I want it to be endless .

Fictional ....