"I'm just sorry, for ever letting myself think I deserved to be happy"
Harry changes into someone he doesn't even recognize. He changes into a boy named Marcel in hopes of feeling what he thinks he deserves.
Miserable.
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It had been a week since I'd started school. Everyday being just like the previous.
There hasn't been one day where I haven't been bullied either physically or emotionally, in fact, I actually get both every day.
How convenient when your life now revolves around the sad goal of finding anything but happiness right?
The bell that indicates the school day is over had just rung and I have to stop myself from doing a small happy dance. I had a new bruise forming just below my eye to add to my collection from over this past week, eight in total to be exact. Not including the ones I manage to form myself by the way.
I'm already used to the way I get treated, and its a lot better knowing that people aren't just pretending to be there for me like before, because now, people don't even bother to pretend which is just great.
As you can probably tell, I don't really give two shits about anything anymore. Just by the way I'm explaining everything that happens through the day makes me feel like I'm loosing my mind. In which I am.
Example being right now, currently walking so lazily down the almost empty corridor of what I consider my own personal hell. That wasn't the example by the way, it was supposed to lead to me explaining that how ever calm and shy I am making myself out to be at this exact moment, I literally feel like crying, screaming, anything to show some sort of emotion and I just can't pin point a legit reason why.
This doesn't even make sense in my own mind as I'm thinking it, but while I feel the urge to just scream at the world, I also feel the need to just laugh. Not like, a cute, normal laugh. No, I mean like one of those maniac witch like laughs you see in movies.
This time I do have a reason as to why I feel the need to do this, although I'm not sure if it makes sense to anyone remotely normal. Its just funny I guess. I am, I mean.
I want to laugh at what I've become. I want to laugh at the way I decided to handle the turning point in my life, how pathetic I actually am.
I ignore the remarks I get as I make my way down the steps of the school. Things like being called 'freak' or even 'worthless' might have affected me once upon a time, but now small words like that seem to be the light on a cloudy day. Or was it sun on a cloudy day. In other words, I've already accepted what I've become, and now all I can do is laugh. But I won't, because that laugh will probably turn into a mental breakdown and well, I've had and witnessed enough of those to last me a life time.
"he's such a loser" I hear from a girl who seems to have been caked in the face. Her friends laugh along with her and just to make myself seem even more pathetic, I plaster on the most fakest, enthusiastic smile I can muster and wave excitedly, "hi girls!"
I pretend to look confused when I get the reaction I had initiated in the first place, scratching the back of my neck, confused before awkwardly walking away.
