Without You

5

Why... why couldn't Dan see what had been going on....
why was I such a wimp.... to tell him the truth?..
The second question kept running through my head.
It was late at night now, I had kept my distance from him all the rest of the day... I wanted nothing to do with him... I guess he felt the same way.
I've never been good at opening up. Not to anyone. Not my family, or friends. It would weeks for anyone to pull anything out of me.
Except for Dan.
When me and Dan met I literally poured everything out to him, from my biggest fears to my strongest desires. He even did the same to me. We had such a strong bond. Until... Vanessa came along. Then everything got ruined.
I didn't realize that I had fallen for Dan until it was too late. It was the same day I was going to tell him.... that I was gay.... and that I loved him.
And at the exact moment, as if faith kicked me in the balls.. he told me something I never wanted to hear... neither would I expect;

Flash Back To 7 Months Ago-

I was sitting on the couch, I asked Dan to come by and sit with me... this was the day... I was determined to tell him. Everything from that I'm gay to the fact that  I love him... and hopefully he won't hate me forever... " calm down Phil! He could never hate you! Your best friends after all, and besides... Dan isn't homophobic... right?"
"Hello? Earth to Philly ??" I saw a hand wave in front of my eyes, I snapped out of my gaze and slightly sad thoughts.
"S-sorry! Um... okay..."
"What did you want to tell me?, because I have something to tell you too" Dan beamed at me.
"But, you go first!" He said, his chin settling in his palms, making his slightly rosy cheeks squish up, he looked freaking adorable as hell.
"I um..." I started out... such a smooth beginning.
"Uh... y- you know what?? I um it's probably not as important as what you need to tell me!! So uh, go ahead! What do u need to tell me?"
I stuttered... god Phil why did u chicken out?!?
"Uh... okay!" Dan looked confused at first, but then smiled because he got to say what he wanted.
"I met someone!! She's AMAZING! Honestly so so pretty and we've all ready 'done it' like twice all ready! She's smart pretty cute-"
And he went on..

Raving about this new girl...

He would never love me... never.

Why would I bother telling him now? Whats the point?
"You okay? You look like you've seen a ghost or something" Dan giggled at my sudden change of attitude.
"Oh... uh yeah... I'm great!" I lied... I wasn't great... hell I was FAR from fine at all.
"Okay well now that I told you, tell me what  you wanted to say!" He said stop smiling like an idiot because of this new girl... whatever her name was... I didn't even continue listening because I just got crushed.
"Um... you know what? It was nothing... it's, well it's not important..." I said, voice cracking a little... my throat had gone dry... I felt tears forming in my eyes... 'no don't do it Phil... DON'T. CRY!.'
"You sure?" Dan furrowed his brows in confusion.
"Y-yeah... I'm sure" I said. I felt like I had been shot in the heart.
"Well... okay!" He peeked up immediately, as if my current state was invisible to him.
I guess I've been rather good and hiding my feelings.
"She's going to be over in like... oh my gOD IN A FEW MINUTES!!" Dan shouted, he quickly started scattering around the room, cleaning anything up, putting everything in its place.
"Uh..." he said turning back to me, I hadn't moved from my current state.
"Her name's Vanessa by the way."
Was all he said before the doorbell rang, and I heard her preppy, annoying voice.
I knew.
I hated her.

"Phil?"
"I don't want to talk right now.."
But we need to talk about thi-"
"NO WE DON'T DANIEL!"
I didn't mean to raise my voice to him. But honestly, it's gotten to become so much more... I'm in so much pain... I'm literally broken.
Why can't he see that?
I just, I wish she would go away.

Hey Hey frens! Look who's back to updating this book!
Thank you for reading this chapter, this was a little insight to why Phil feels the way he feels.
Thank u all so much for reading, I love u all.
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