Our Journey (the Fourth Book in the Her Weakness series)

Chapter 3

Clarke's POV

Once we're all finished eating, we say goodnight and head to our rooms. There are two left, and Raven and Octavia run ahead of us to go pick theirs first. I roll my eyes as Lexa and I grab our stuff. We carry it to the room that doesn't have muffled giggling coming from it.

We set our bags and backpacks down and unpack quickly, having gotten used to it on our travels. Lexa wraps her arms around me from behind after she finishes first, pressing a kiss to my cheek as I continue to work. It's admittedly more difficult with my girlfriend cuddled up against me, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

When Lexa gets impatient, she starts helping. With her assistance (though she does end up distracting me with a kiss or two), it goes much faster. Then we strip each other and get in the bed.

I lie on my side, my head propped up on my hand, watching her as she lies on her back. Lexa's giving me an inquisitive look, but doesn't ask. Yet, at least.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Talk about what?" Lexa asks, turning on her side so she's facing me.

"Costia. Raven was right, you don't talk about her much. It might be good for you." I murmur. "But you don't have to."

"I just do not want to make you uncomfortable." Lexa admits softly, gazing down at the pillows instead of at me.

"Uncomfortable? Why would I be uncomfortable?" I question.

"You are my current girlfriend, my partner, and I would be talking about my ex." Lexa elaborates.

"Your ex who you loved and she was killed. Again, you don't have to talk about it, but please don't stop yourself from talking about her on my account."

Lexa searches my eyes, switching between them as if she's looking for the truth. If I'm really okay listening to her talk about her dead ex-girlfriend. She purses her lips and nods.

"Alright."

"Alright?" I repeat, giving her a comforting smile as I reach out to hold her hand. "So... Tell me about Costia."

Just her name makes Lexa's eyes flicker with the darkness of guilt and her face twists slightly with grief. If I didn't know her as well as I do, I would've missed it.

"As I have told you, she was a blacksmith. She trained here when she was young and moved to Polis just when my Natblida (Nightblood) training was getting serious. I was twelve when I first saw her. She has stopped to watch a match, I was fighting Luna. I was so distracted by her that Luna easily swept my feet from beneath me. I lost that round." She chuckles at the memory, her eyes light. "And she kept coming back, kept watching my matches. It took me a while to get used to knowing that's beautiful girl was watching. Luna teased me relentlessly."

"Did you ever talk to her after she watched you?" I ask curiously.

"Once, and I was so flustered by her response that even Titus noticed. I had asked her why she was watching me fight. She said something along the lines of 'I like watching pretty girls fight.' In most of my matches she had watched, I had not been paired up with other girls."

"Smooth," I comment.

"She was very smooth. But that fay, me talking to her broke some barrier. We talked more, and she started coming around while I was not training. We became friends quickly. And I've told you a bit about our antics once we became friends."

"Yeah."

"She was the assistant of the most prominent, well-respected blacksmith in all of Polis. He loved her like a daughter and taught her everything he knew. She was not just smart, she was brilliant. She learned new techniques one day and could perfectly replicate them the next. She was his prodigy. He was another who was devastated by her death. I never gave him specific details, but nonetheless he did not blame me. Not like I did."

"Not like you do." I murmur and Lexa's eyes go to mine, wide with surprise.

"It was my fault, Clarke." Lexa says. "If she had not been my girlfriend, she would never have been taken."

Lexa swallows hard and blinks, trying to rid herself of the tears. A couple escape her eyes anyway, and I lean in to gently kiss them away, staying close to her.

"Moba (sorry), Clarke. I did not mean to get emotional." She whispers, her voice raspy.

"Don't apologize for that, babe." I kiss her forehead softly. "And Lexa," I wait until she's looking into my eyes to continue. "It wasn't your fault. Did you personally kidnap her? Torture her? Kill her?" I use harsh words, but I hope it gets my point across. Lexa flinches but shakes her head mutely. "Then it wasn't your fault."

Lexa nods and rests her head against mine, taking in a shaky breath. I whisper soothing words until she relaxes. I can tell she believes my words a little bit more.

"This isn't the same thing, but think about what Finn did. Was that my fault? Him killing all of those people? If it weren't for me, he wouldn't have gone crazy." I say quietly, searching Lexa's eyes as recognition floods them. She shakes her head. "Exactly. Just like TonDC, that wasn't our fault either. We didn't press the button. But if we weren't there, they wouldn't have blown it up. But it's still not our fault. Get it?"

"Yeah."

I lie down on my back so Lexa can cuddle up against me. She rests her head on my bare shoulder.

"Do you want to talk more about her?" I ask as I trace the tattoo on her back from memory.

Lexa hums contently. "Sure."

She starts describing her and my eyes go wide when I get an idea. "Hang on, babe. Get up for a second."

Lexa complies, watching me with curious eyes as I flit around the room, muttering and grabbing a few things. She raises an eyebrow at the big, thick book I place on my lap when I return. I put the paper on top of that and ready my pencils.

"Alright. Keep describing Costia. I'll draw her for you."

Aww... Cute, right? Next chapter, more talking! I'm loving learning about Costia. Also, fun fact about Lexa's back tattoo. I used part of it and put it between Lexa's arm tattoo to create a painting last year. My art teacher loved it! I actually have it hanging up in my room right now. Alright. Next order of business... Are you guys okay with me moving up the proposal? It'll still be in the Glowing Forest, but I'll move it up so they're going there next instead of after two more clans. I would assume you guys don't mind, but I like to make sure :) Thank you all for reading and for your amazing comments! Stay awesome!