Irrelevance

Mistake

It was a mistake.

Does that sound bad?

I mean, I hate to be the one to admit it but it would honestly have been better if I had meticulously planned it out like in the movies.

I doubt anyone wants their conclusion in life to be one big mistake. Funny enough, she had technically been a mistake in the first place (hole in the condom).

I'm sorry.

That was rude.

I'm trying not to be so nefarious and bitchy but its hard to undergo a positive personality change when you've just murdered someone.

Was that too direct?

I'm also trying to be more subtle but clearly I'm born to be bold.

Nonetheless, this is irrelevant.

Back to my point: it was a mistake.

The chances that she would succumb to the peer pressure were zero to none. You could say that she was brave like that; not afraid to not fit into the crowds.

Even less so, the chances that she would go above and beyond were also a zero to none. More often than not she did what she was told; nothing more, nothing less.

But that's all statistical bullshit based on behavioral consistency.

Truth was, I knew she would do it.

She had that look in her eyes.

You know the one.

It's that empty hollow look you sometimes catch when you stare into the mirror.

Or is that just me?

Anyway, I knew she would do it and I didn't stop her because...

I have no excuse.

I can't lie.

This is, after all, my confession.

I knew she would do it and I let her because I didn't, still don't, care.

My exact words:

"Go jump off a cliff."

Harsh isn't it?

I didn't even mean it playfully.

If death was I joke I'd be laughing right now instead of having this nagging guilt consuming me.

She gave me this hurt look and I simply stared back blankly.

Her exact words:

"Fine, I will."

She did.

She walked up to the edge of the cliff and stood there admiring the view.

I stayed back watching her.

She proceeded to spread out her arms and let the wind rush to her head on.

I would imagine she wanted me to walk up behind her and do the Titanic scene with her.

She really loved her movies.

I wasn't expecting the gust of wind to change directions and neither was she because as soon as it had happened she screamed. It was piercing and annoying enough to make my usually stoic face wince.

She fell.

She held on.

I walked up to where she was.

She didn't shout or scream or plead but the look in her eyes said it all.

"Help me!"

I stared.

She stared back.

I watched on in hesitance.

Then...

She fell.

Just like that.

I'm not saying it's her fault but its not mine either.

It was a flaw in the conception of time as an infinitely longer process of life.

In essence.

It was a mistake.