Irrelevance

Audience

Sweat dripped from my every pore and my erratic breaths caused puffs of smoke in the air.

They were all staring at me and I couldn't help but find it sad that they had nothing better to do with their lives than just sit and stare at me. I mean,  it's not that I minded the attention, more so that I found it highly befuddling as to why they were here in the first place.

Were they getting paid?

Did they do this for, dare I say it, fun?

One of the bystanders cleared their throats.

Right, I suppose that's my cue.

I straightened my back, stopped my shivering and pulled myself together.

I am confident. 

There was a cough from another nameless face in the audience as if to mock my thought.

My breath hitched and my throat clogged.

Too many people.

Not again.

"What are you waiting for?" hissed my manager from the side of the stage.

I was tempted to tell her to shut up and shove something very unpleasant up her lady parts but I settled on a quick glare in her direction and an awkward smile at the crowd.

No one smiled back

Tough crowd...

Couldn't really blame them though, not only could they not see my face but they were only 5 years old. So, I sucked up whatever little pride I had left and said the words I'd become so famous for;

"Hi kids! My name's Barney!"

Applause emitted from the audience of toddlers as the theme song began to play.

I don't know if kids are just born sadistic or if it's only a select few but they must be twisted beyond comprehension to find this shit amusing, much less, enjoyable.

Kids are enigmas I'll just never understand...