Irrelevance

Remember

I remember the first time.

It was a new years party that I hadn't wanted to go to in the first place.

I was bored out of my mind and not in the mood to drink or dance. Somehow, you made me do both. 

You approached me with that devilish grin of yours and charmed me through those first few shots of vodka.

After that, the night is kind of hazy but I remember that we danced and my face hurt from all the smiling I'd been doing. And at the end of the night there was a moment, that was different to the rest, when the last song played and we danced one more time. It was just you and me. I don't remember what the song was but it sounded like how I imagine being in love feels.

When the song ended I told you that I wanted, more than anything in the world,  to be different to everyone else (I really was incredibly drunk).

I should've been more careful.

I shouldn't have wished that because after that night, I've been going crazy.

I told my friends about you and I looked for you every where. Everyone told me that you didn't exist and that I'd been alone the whole night. After a while, I started to believe them.

It was torture when you showed up a few days later. I was angry at first but somehow we ended up on my couch, cuddling, of all the cheesy things to do, and you told me your name, Dox Mylian. If course I commented on your weird name; no way it was real but you reassured me it was.

When I woke up that next day, you were gone again. I had no way to reach out to you but I didn't need to because you reached out to me. I spent weeks with you but when I wanted to show you to my friends they all couldn't see you.

I was diagnosed with schizophrenia a few days later. I was treated and I never saw you again...
But...

Sometimes,  when I'm alone, I feel like someone's there with me and I swear that you're real.

If you're not real then where did you come from?  I can't conjure up an entirely different person all on my own can I? Surely you must be based on a concept or maybe even a real person somewhere out there...

Maybe it's denial but that night at the new years party, you felt too real to be a figment of my imagination.

Every time I think of you, I think of that night and the last song we danced to... I haven't heard that song since that night and nowadays I can bearly remember the sound of your voice or your face. I can't remember much thanks to the drugs.

But I will always remember the first time.