Dead hearts Don't beat

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Raven
It's been two days and Jake hasn't returned. Not that I care. Well maybe just a bit. I'd slap myself now if I could, to get out of this 'oh I'm so sorry for myself mood'. I hate weird tinglings in my body. Humans call them feelings but I refuse to believe I have them. I'm dead, I can't feel, so having feelings is illogical.

In fact no ones been around for a few days. Not even plastic barbie, yeah you know who I mean. I'm starting to hate the whole dead thing again. The other day I played "how many way can I kill myself if I was alive" game. I got to fifty three different ways, including shutting myself in a washing machine and turning it on, dropping a bookcase on myself, falling down three sets of stairs and even dropping the tv on my head. Of course I just created a huge mess so the house looked like it had been burgled. I put it back the best I could. Well, except now Nicole will be watching her shows in about 101 pieces of tv screen instead of the one.

I'm so bored. I had to play that depressing game to keep my mind busy. Other wise I'd have to think about that fat blob of a human Jess kissing Jake. I'm sure she's a nice person but no girl comes in my house and kisses my friends without my permission.

I stopped my though processes. Why did I care? Why am I so possessive over him? It's not like we're a thing or anything. Maybe you're jealous. Maybe you like him. Shut up brain, I am not jealous. It's Jess who should be jealous, I mean look at me I'm gorgeous. Now I think about it even I can't confirm that. I don't have a reflection to see myself. It doesn't matter I don't need no mirror to confirm my absolute perfection.

I hear the front door open, and voices downstairs. I sink through the floor to the kitchen, to find Martin helping Jake up the stairs. Nicole enters the house phone in one hand nail file in the other. What was she hoping for, talons? She didn't once look up from her phone from the moment she walked in till she opened the cupboard, reaching for a bottle of wine. It reminded me of my mum who'd always have a glass of red when she got home from work. "It's my medicine" she used to tell me, which was ironic to say she was a nurse.

I make my way towards Jake's room. Martin places his limp body in bed, tucks him in before kissing his forehead and wiping a tear away from his eye. I'd never seen my father cry, I didn't even know men could cry till I saw my uncle break down at his fathers funeral. I think I was the most emotional in my family. Always having tantrums or feeling alone. I never did understand why my parents bought such a big house for the three of us.

Martin left so it was just me and Jake.
"Psst, Jake. You awake?" He rolled over, his back towards me, and groaned. "Jake?" I whisper loudly.
"What?" His voice is quiet and groggy. Like he'd just woken up at 6am knowing he had another hour in bed and groaning from frustration.
"Where have you been, it's been days?" His body is completely still, I question whether he's still alive or not but then I get a little shrug.
"Look..." I sigh knowing I was about to apologise. "... What happened the other day...with Jess...I'm really sorry. I just don't know what came over me. Seeing you with her sent rage through me. You see I've never really had a friend before..."

Jake
I open my eyes and relax my body, trying to listen to what Raven is saying.
"...and well I suppose I got jealous because you're the only person who can see me. And I suppose I was afraid" I roll over to face her and force my body to sit up.
"What are you afraid of?" My voice is blunt and cold with a lack of sympathy.
"Of..." she paused and looked in to my eyes, staring so deep it felt like she was staring right through me.
"Of loosing you" I'd never seen her like this before. So vulnerable. I didn't like it. This isn't the Raven I know.

God why is life so fucked up. I can't think straight. Thousands of words swim around my mind and dance on my tongue, ready to be released. But I have nothing to say. Nothing but hatred and anger. Yet how can I whip a beast who is already wounded and pleading at my feet, begging for mercy. For forgiveness. Finally the words align themselves in to sentences.
"You're an idiot" they were words I was thinking but didn't mean to say.
"What!?" Raven stiffened, loosing her apologetic sad tone.
"Just because I like Jess doesn't mean I won't stop being your friend. How can you lose me when I live here and so do you?"
"Err..." Raven looks around as if she's trying to find what to say. This girl always has something to say. Why now is she quiet?

Raven's complete posture and character changes like this whole soppy version of her was some sort of possession.
"Pfft yeah you're right. Like you could live without me anyways, you lumpy sack of bones" her brutal sarcasm was back.
"Yeah" I mutter to myself. I didn't understand her. I suppose if she was diagnosed it would be bi-polar but can the dead have such conditions? Who knows?

I feel a sharp pain in my ribs realising the pain killers must be wearing off. I pull a face and Raven takes that as a sign to leave without another word. I lay back on my bed, staring at the ceiling. I analyse how my life has got to this point. And why I'm a victim all the time. Like what the fuck. Every thing bad always seems to happen to me. I stop counting the marks on the ceiling and close my eyes, letting my tiredness consume my body and mind. Yet another night sleeping in pain.

Author's note: I know I promised weekly updates but been super busy with revising for A levels so that's taken up much of  my time.