Dear Angel (Michael Sutthakorn)

Five

Dear Michael,

It hurt to leave you after we had only just met properly but you had to get back to finishing the tour and I had to get back to school. It sucked. But it was life.

You gave me your skype, facetime and your number and kissed me goodbye as the tour bus dropped me back home about 6am the following morning. I promised to text you as soon as I got out of school that day and to facetime you after you finished your show.

I remember getting in that morning and feeling numb and empty as I showered and ate and got ready for a day in hell. I hated how everything went on as usual; as if nothing had happened the previous night.

I went through the days not feeling anything except empty until I was talking to you. You kept me going those two weeks before half term. It was so hard to bear the routine when so much in my life had changed in a matter of moments. You thought everything was fine those two weeks because you only saw the me I was when I was with you. Well, not technically 'with' you but all the same. I lit up inside whenever I talked to you or saw your face.

I felt the pang of the insults thrown my way only distantly in my time away from you. You were always on my mind.

You surprised me that half term. You and Ben had gone home straight from the tour and Dan was in London a couple of days longer until he came back to South Wales.

Except the plans after that didn't really go as I, and the whole fandom, thought.

Dan told us that he was going to be in Cardiff on the day after he got back and so I intended to go meet him and give him some things I had for you. Just a few little gifts to remind you of me and to show you how much I missed you. But your gift was so much better.

Do you remember? I walked up to the Wolfpack in Starbucks, intending to speak to Dan and was so close to him before someone suddenly grabbed me from behind. I yelped and didn't even have time to begin to struggle or react properly before I smelt your familiar smell around me. I twisted to face you and you held me so tight and I never wanted to let you go and it just felt so nice to feel you and smell you and see you face to face again.

I started crying and you mistook it for something else as you began apologising for not warning me as you held me even tighter. I turned my face to look up at you through our tight embrace and your concerned face was looking down on me. You stopped talking instantly and stood searching my face for something, I don't know what. I looked at you through my tears and whispered "Don't be sorry. This is the best surprise ever." before I kissed you and God, it felt so good to kiss you. I didn't even care that most of the coffee shop, including the Wolfpack, were staring at us. I could taste the saltiness of my own tears mixing with the taste of you as we stood inseparable.

The rest of the day is a blur of laughter and smiles and love and fun and happy. Just happy. It was sunshine in the middle of my gloomy sky and so was the rest of that week of half term that you stayed with Dan and we met in Cardiff almost every day.

You were my own personal sunshine.