Dear Violet

w i s t e r i a

d e a r v i o l e t

i'm scared.

scared of my feelings for her.

when i'm with her, she makes me feel happy – and guilty at the same time.

guilty because i shouldn't – mustn't – be happy without you.

guilty because she shouldn't make me feel that way.

i'm scared, violet.

scared that i'm forgetting you.

the curve of your smile,

the slope of your freckled nose,

the way your hair catches the sun and burns gold,

the way the iridescence of your eyes turns w i s t e r i a in the day -

goddamn it.

goddamned wisteria eyes that belong to veronica.

goddamned guilt.

if you were alive, how would you feel, violet?

jealous that i was replacing you?

bitter that i was moving on?

happy that i was moving on?

i feel like it's a betrayal to like someone else, someone not you.

i'm scared,

c h a r l i e