All We Had

My dad

My wise brave father.

He was tough.

He was different.

I always felt safe but I never really got to know my dad. He was more the rock of the family. He was loving and knew how to have fun and all. Well he knew how to have fun after a few beers. My dad was a man. He could rope cattle. He taught me how to rope. My father taught me a lot of things they were hard and fast lessons. I couldn't have a heart felt conversation with him.  I couldn't hang out without it being awkward. Yet I still loved and cherished him. I never knew if he loved me back. At least I could respect him. I knew what he was like after 15 years of working with him. But I never got to know him deep down. 

I know he was powerful. He chopped wood out in the forest. He was demanding. He negotiated deals for more cows. People gave him a lot more than he gave in return. I know he was brave. He would take on another men who trespassed. I know he was skilled. He could shoot things right on the target. Every time.

 Maybe I would have gotten to know him in the future.

Maybe he would've learned about me.

But not anymore.

I don't want to know anyone right now.