All We Had

Weak Two

Andy,

 I'm still hoping she will wake up. I don't know why I'm still trying grip that little piece of hope that's left. I used to think we would get married. I used to think I would never loose her. The one thing that could not disappear. The only light in my pitch black cave of a life. How can I love someone else after her. I've always been strong nothing could penetrate my surface. Not anyone, not even my own parents. She could though. She went straight through. She went through that cold outer shell and went straight for my heart. I was supposed to protect her. I had to protect the only person who could reach me. Instead I let her die. She was acting different. I should've done something. That's what hurts the most. That I could've have kept her alive.

____________________

Sam,

She gave me her camera before she went into surgery. The camera with a million memories. All I have of her is on this little device. Now every time I see a camera it's going to make me cry. People keep saying "She's in a better place now" like it's a good thing. No, there's still this part of her. There's still this little camera that is her bundled into one object. I've got this piece of her and that's all. Do people need friends? Like really need them? I don't know if I can find another person like her. Even if I do, one day they will leave. So what's the point anymore? 

Is it bad that I can't tell the difference between happy and sad?

____________________

Rick,

          She would have accomplished so many things. Emotions are terrible. People die. It's a thing. I don't know if you've had this feeling before. If you have, then you know it's this unbearable feeling that leaves a tint on your life. I can't explain it. I've never been good with words. Yet, here we are. I'm explaining the worst feeling ever when I can't even comprehend what's going on. 

          My mind just kinda shuts off sometimes. I walk out of her hospital room. Five minutes pass and somehow I end up at a bar down the street. With shot glasses scattered on the dirty counter. Drowning your feelings isn't a good idea but when you're not thinking, it's not an option. I look mindlessly at the seemingly endless amount of photos my sister took. How can a little piece of paper and ink make me want disappear off the face of the earth.