Till The End Of Time

Chp. 20

Cookie's P.O.V:
"No... no.. NO! You're lying! Why the fuck should I believe you!"
I got up and started screaming at Mike. I don't care who was in this restaurant, to say something like that to say Tommie knew who killed my father and never told or the fact that I was once living with them.
He gripped my arm and pulled me down into my seat
"If you wasn't gon believe me or anything I said then why did you call me? Why is you actin out in such a way? Because you know I'm tellin the truth." He said through gritted teeth.
I looked at him with pure hatred in my eyes. My lips won't allow any words to come out, all I could do was allow hot tears stream down my face. I got up and walked out not saying a word.
When I got into the car I immediately drove off, but my vision was so blurred from all the falling tears, i eventually turned into some alley. I put the car in park and just let the tears fall.
I can't explain the amount of pain, confusion, and betrayal I feel. My heart is aching pain I only felt once before. The type of pain that never goes away or even lessens no matter how many times you cry or ask god to make it stop.
I look in my car mirror and see that once broken person I used to be just reappear like she never left. Although I've never had closure to my father's murder I found acceptance, which took years.
I never once thought the one I love.. who I've grown to.. would do this to me. I don't want to accept it, but if anyone else knew it would be Mike. Then again, he has all reasons to lie , to manipulate me.. to watch me leave.
I just wished Tommie never reentered my life.
I got back to my house around 10 P.M, mentally just drained. I don't know how long I was in that alley for, every time I put the car in drive tears just started to flow causing me to put it back in park.
I walked into my room and when I turned on my light I saw Tommie sitting on the edge of my bed.
I felt that dry lump reoccur in my throat, and I felt my eyes start to water but I quickly dried them trying to fight the tears.
I stood in the doorway just staring at him as he continued to keep his head down and hands in his lap. I tried to speak, but no words were coming out. I don't know if I was astonished or scared to see him in my room, to be real, I don't know what to think.
"You didn't come over today?" He finally spoke still not looking at me
"I... I.. how did you find me?" I said barley a whisper.
"I was calling and texting you, but you never responded"
"Yea... I didn't hear my phone.. how did you find me Tommie?"
"I followed you home one night.. you really thought I would allow for you to be here without me knowing where?" He finally looked up and made eye contact.
When I felt his deep brown eyes locked with mine, I saw no soul. The one person I once thought to know is now a cold stranger.
It brought water to my eyes but only one tear fell from my left eye and immediately the heartache began.
" I don't know what to think" I said in a shaky voice
He rose to his fit and grabbed my hand
"Cookie are you okay? What's wrong?"
That one voice that I grown to love, the voice that use to bring me such comfort and reassurance sent un-comforting chills up my spine and pierced my ears.
I pulled away from him as I went to sit on the edge of the bed looking at the reflection of myself in the tv.
"Carmen?" He said in a soft warm tone
"I don't want to believe it..." the water started to build in my eyes as I looked at my reflection.
"I trusted you, I loved you, I allowed me to find myself within you.."
The tears started to flow and I now couldn't stop choking on my words.
"A-and you l-lied to me l-like I was nothing. Y-you
L-looked in my eyes for the p-past 5 y-years and said I love you w-when you been deceiving me the whole time" I finally looked at him and his face looked as if he saw a ghost.
"You d-don't love me y-you never have cause if you did you w-would've said who killed my father"
He looked at me with the same face I had when I first saw him in my room.
"C-cookie listen to me -"
"NO!" The tears came even more and I shot up from the bed.
"I listened to you for 5 damn years! I trusted your words! What is there to say now? That you love me? You're sorry? Fuck you and yo condolences! No matter what you say or do you can't take back what  you did! You can't bring my father back!" I screamed as I continuously hit him on the chest. He grabbed my arms to try to calm me down,
"I do love you and I am sorry"
I ripped myself out his grip and slapped him as hard as I could. The stinging pain I felt in my hand didn't amount to the pain his words brought me.
"Don't you ever say that shit to me! Not only is my father dead, but so am I in the inside. And now you gotta live with that because you're the cause. You're just as at fault as your father, you mine as well should've pulled the trigger your damn self." I said through gritted teeth.
He looked at me and I could see the hurt and guilt in his eyes. But guilt is a useless emotion, his guilt won't change the past, so fuck his feelings. He tried to say something but I cut him off.
"Get out. And don't ever come back."
He looked at me trying to wrap his mind around what I said, a tear dropped his eye then he silently left.