Faking Diary Entries

• seven •

The real truth is I hate being popular. I hate everyone looking up to you so you feel so afraid to do something wrong. Knowing that everyone is judging every move you make, everything you say. They want you to fit in their little box and to NOT move. I think I have finally (and truely) figured out how to be popular - lie. Don't be yourself. Because I have been lying to everyone since I was young (everyone but Jake - Hi Jake, if you're reading this.) Lying in the sense that I'm exactly who you all wanted be to be.

The perfect daughter.
The perfect friend.
The perfect girlfriend.

But, I felt flawed.
Worthless.
Sad.

The stress and anxiety of trying to be perfect got to me. I started to feel down on the inside, but I had a perfect fake smile so nobody knew. Nobody saw through the facade I had permanently painted on my face. Nobody could see. (Except Jake - Hi again Jake.) When I found out that someone else was going through the same thing as me I felt like I could be understood and people might allow me to not be perfect all the time. To not lie all the time. Heck, I wouldn't have to lie in this diary. I felt I could embrace my depression, and fix it, instead of trying to push it away.
But, I still felt bad, about myself, being surrounded by everyone at school. I am Violet Parker, the most popular girl in school. I can't beat my internal battle - my problem. I'm not strong enough, I'm not stronger than everyone one else around me.
I see people at school wearing their battle amour, facing their battles. I can't even look at mine, or being to make progress. However, I have found a way out. (I will announce this in a moment.) A way to be myself. A way to be happy - because you have to be strong and get through your problems to be happy. I can't be happy if I can't be myself (you see my never ending circle), I have lied to myself, to my parents and my friends (even Jake). This entire diary is a lie. The first sentence was a lie - it wasn't a great day, I haven't had one of those in a while. However, through writing in this book I have realised yet another thing - words can be lies. So, (this is my announcement), this diary is my note.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Hello Dear Flowers,
How are you all?
omc, omc, I'm getting my braces off today!
I am literally so excited.
{Vote & Comment & Smile}
Love ya.
Heather x.