Ghost || -MissWriter- » vonlane

Missing You

I continue writing to you even though you're gone now, funny, right? But I must acknowledge that this journal you gave me is really useful during these moments.

I remember you 'gave it' to me— lies, you threw it at me, but I knew that it wasn't your typical intention to hit me— I looked at you all confused and, if I didn't have my orange mask on, you'd've been able to appreciate my face. You would've laughed, seriously.

You only told me: "This way you won't forget things, stupid, hm." and I was happy. I embraced you, but not to bother you like I'd always do whenever I had the chance, I really wanted to do it. It was the first gift or whatever it was that I had received in so long. Although, of course, you got mad, as usual, and covered me in explosive clay.

I had never used this journal because I honestly had no idea of what to write, but now, I write about you, Deidara, as to no forget that we lived together once and of the warmth I felt when we were together.

I miss you, little one.

I won't forget the days in which, on our way or returning from a mission, we would allow ourselves to go to a food stand —mostly dango— and you would spy on me. I would smile when I noticed your glare upon me; the curiosity you felt about my face was evident. And I liked seeing how you would get frustrated with each opportunity you had to see me.

Remember the cat that once fell on you? When the old lady tripped? Because I do. I remember all the things that kept you from seeing my true self.

Because I am not Tobi, Deidara. I am Obito, Uchiha Obito.

Now that I think about it, I think you would've been mad at both Pein and I since one of your partners was an Uchiha. You hated Itachi for being an Uchiha. No, you hated our eyes, our Sharingan, the one that could not see the beauty of your art. I saw it, Deidara. I loved your dumb clay bombs, the ones you called art.

When... when you left... I felt horrible. I can't exactly explain how I felt specifically, but I knew my heart ached, as if someone were strangling it with so much strength that it could burst at any moment.

I should've stopped you, Deidara.

You shouldn't have fought with Sasuke, killing yourself wasn't necessary, you didn't have to be art, Deidara.

I understood perfectly well what art meant to you, I understood why you said that art, that beauty, was ephemeral. You are art, little one, you are the art that my eyes could appreciate. And you were an instant; the most beautiful, the most brilliant instant I ever had.

But I had to do it, I had to save the Uchiha boy, disregarding your feelings, disregarding your art, your sacrifice. You were right, Deidara: the Uchiha didn't appreciate what you were or what you did. I hated myself for being one more of many.

I have Sasuke. I've told him the truth about what happened on the night of the Massacre. He cried, Deidara, he killed Itachi— I want to believe that, wherever you are, he's with you, he's a good person. The problems within the clan won't interest you in the least, but it was my fault. I helped provoke Itachi's pain, and now I'm doing the same with Sasuke.

Us Uchiha are pure venom, Deidara. We destroy what we love the most without any care, guiding ourselves by our feelings of selfishness, and of that, not even Itachi could save himself from.

I only hope you forgive me, I know it's something difficult to ask of you, but I couldn't bare you not looking at me— even if it's with disgust—, or that you not talk to me— even if the majority of times it's to insult me—, or that you drift away from me— not even Death could separate me from you, Deidara.

I'll start a war, Deidara.

I won't lie to you. Before, I had this goal for only one person: my team mate, Rin Nohara, the one I thought to have loved. Yes, I believed I loved her.

After so many days at your side, however, I realized that the only thing I wanted was for you to love me, it didn't have to be about impressing you, just making you laugh— of course, you never let me hear your laugh— and enjoy of your company.

And then I realized that the love I had for Rin didn't compare to the one I had for you, Deidara.

It was a different love. Rin was the first to accept me and to help me improve, it was a kid's love, an innocent one and one that wouldn't last like I always thought it would.

I love you, Deidara. With a love so real, so unique, and one that would last even after I die. I should've told you this because I knew one day you would leave, that you won't be at my side forever like I wished it to be.

You were ephemeral, Deidara, you were art. You are art.

For me, you would always be the artist that illuminated my hell.