possession: reason for my own damage.

talking with him

Noor .

Empty, sad , a feeling of pain , depressed and a sudden urge for this life to end soon.

This is something I woke up daily too but today , it's not all same, I have different emotions which are hard to tell and even harder to feel.

I feel rejected , even though I deserve that but my heart doesn't wanna feel rejected, who wants to feel rejected ?, no one . I felt as if someone stole away something from me , and maybe the feelings are true , my Arjun, he is not with me anymore now . I lost him and someone else found him .

He sounded so alive , so fresh , so full of love and enjoyment with that girl .

I wanted him , I want to feel him , want to hear his voice, I want to cry like a baby in front of him and want him to support me like a best friend I craved from last 3 years .

I called him to my office , I cannot live like this anymore , I need to talk to him , talk to my love , I just cannot sit in this chair and pretend like as if nothing happened , I always expected his to yell at me , abuse me , hell I even thought about him slapping me but he is doing what that kills me from the core and that is , he ignores me .

Their was a knock at my door ,

" may I come in ma'am?"

" yes you please come in Arjun. "

He nodded and entered the room .

" yes ma'am, please tell me the reason you called me ."

Professional, he sounded all like that , no emotions no feelings .

" Arjun please , can we please talk for a minute. "

" yes ma'am, we can , let me bring my notepad ."

" no Arjun, no , can we please for once can talk like old noor and old Arjun who were friends ."

He was silent, his eyes show so much emotions and clearly displaced how hurt he was .

" their nothing to talk about , not to a rapist atleast ."

Those last 5 words were like a stab to my heart , I felt as if someone just spit on me .

This was something I could not control, tears started to fall from my eyes , I cannot stop them . Atleast not now.

" please Arjun please, I am so so...sorry ."

He did not moved . Did not said a word .

" please Arjun say something , or ..
Or I will die , please...."

" no , you don't deserve to die, you deserve to live , and die daily . Just like I am dieing from last three days. " he said and a tear dropped left his eyes and then he was gone .

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So what you think ?

Sorry I was not able to update yesterday , got fever.

Do vote and comment:)