Substitute Soulmate

The Heart

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This time Namjoo was dancing with Chanyeol again. In the smog, she could smell him. The touch of his tight biceps familiar to her hands. His shoulder sturdy against her head. The hand at her back was still there. And they moved, and they moved to the music. The warmth of his breath bounced off the roof of her head when she tilted her head back.

Yeol who had cradled her for amounts of years was not there. The familiar face of Oh Sehun who had kissed her farewell last night smiled lovingly down at her.

Jolting up from sleep Namjoo sat up in bed with heart racing, ramming hard against her ribs. Shock and surprise sprouted deep through her. Breathing hard she sought the dark for the familiarity of her apartment. A hand patted around the bed until she felt the crochet blanket beside her. Snatching it within her grip she held it to her breast to remind herself her devotion to Park Chanyeol.

Olly who had been curled up on the floor whimpered and tried to climb up on the bed as if sensing something was wrong. Namjoo had let him sleep in her room because Mina complained about the dog trying to climb on her in the middle of the night. Leaning over she pulled the dog up and let him sit on her lap before deciding it wasn't the place he wanted to sleep. Crawling aside he curled up beside her with his head on her thigh.

Clamping her eyes shut, Namjoo clutched onto the crochet blanket. Last night she had watched appalled as Sehun drove away. Throughout the ride home she imagined him sitting beside her grinning the silly way he did. Always such a smiley face.

It bothered her.

He shouldn't have kissed her. He shouldn't have!

Her heart had raced maddeningly. She had been flushed and flustered. She was puzzled and confused but she had liked it. And she kind of hated that.

They weren't even friends. They were nothing. What right did he have to kiss her?

Namjoo was frustrated but she had also liked it only because she hadn't anticipated it. What was wrong with her?

Settling back under the covers she turned and curled up against Olly. If Yeol was there, he'd wrap his arms around her. She wanted his physical reassurance, but she wasn't getting it. Not from him.

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"I like him," were the first words Mina spoke at the kitchen table that morning.

The knife currently in Namjoo's hand moved adjacently missing the round tomato slicing her finger open. She yelped and immediately snatched the nearby towel to stop the bleeding. Honestly, she felt a little out of it that morning. It had been hard falling back asleep last night. She kept thinking about Sehun, his voice, his constant smiles that haunted her, and the dream. The kiss kept repeating itself even though it couldn't be considered a real kiss. Still, it ran around her mind like a dog chasing its tail.

"Do you think I can get his number?" Mina wondered oblivious to the pain from her stinging finger.

"I don't know his number," Namjoo said, eyes looking through her cabinets for where she'd stashed band-aid.

"What?" she asked with disbelief. "How can you not?"

She didn't freaking remember where she'd last put her band-aids. A hot pot of heat swelled up within her chest. All she thought about was how tired she was, that she didn't want to go to work because that meant running into Oh Sehun, whom she couldn't stop thinking about but wanted with all her might to stop thinking about. And here was Mina searching for her new boyfriend, and her finger was bleeding, stinging like hell and she still had breakfast to finish and a dog to feed, makeup to put on, clothes to dress in.