Here come the feelings

David

So, I have so far explained a bit of Hannah and May, and of course here comes David.

Oh David Wong... ever since I entered (undisclosed) I had a thing for you. It kinda sucked because I always knew that I was so out of your league... First year MS finished and I went to camp in Texas with Emily... I shared to her what I felt for him, and then after camp I found out my dad utterly decided I would attend boarding school in the same whereabouts from a giant outlet. I felt anxiety and depression close in on me...

I started cutting again, and deeper. Of course, I can't really transfer how this feels if you've never tried it yourself. (Preferably try NOT to).
Well, even at this place it was hard to get over David. Eventually a bunch of other shit happened at this school, violent indescribable things, that my dad took me out of that place and sent me back to Undisclosed.

That was odd because middle of the school year, everyone had different scenarios and some people were mad at other people, I don't know, none of this made sense. That year I was with Hannah and... Wendy. Wendy was our third closest friend. When I left, Hannah became close to Wendy and they were inseparable. I told them how I still liked freaking David, and of course they knew more than I that it was never going to happen.

What I didn't know until two weeks ago, late March, was that while Wendy told everything to David on the bus, well she also kissed him.

David himself told me.

Okay, this chapter is supposed to be about David, but I'm gonna include Wendy here guys. Wendy was crazy, but so were we. When I came back I got along better with her, and I even slept over like two nights. I told her about Heheheh how I felt for David... she knew this, and somehow they kissed at one point...

Hannah and I found out from Sofia, the new girl that second year, that Wendy had told everything to David, and that they laughed about it.

That there just broke my heart. I mean not only was David laughing at the thought of me thinking about him, but Wendy, a friend I trusted started telling him all of my concerns and my interests.

I started liking this Italian boy named Luca, and for that one year, some people told me he liked me back. It was rather great because I had never had a boy like me for more than just a sexual object (boarding school boys). Then next year started, and another new girl came in. Her name was Jessica and she was like the girls at my previous school, the Ameracin Fuondation (copyright). Of course suddenly every guy was like super in love with her... but I didn't understand why.

I didn't understand not because some of us were better, because I don't think like that. I just didn't understand because she could be cruel sometimes, and she wouldn't give a fuck. She had guys wrapped around her finger that first day, and when I thought things were advancing with Luca, he fell for her as well.

September came and I had already fallen again for that stupid David. But something was different. Apparently he liked me back. One day he kissed me and that evening he asked me to be his girlfriend, through text. We dated until like January 4, and I broke up with him.

My best friend, Brice, told me that he was texting another girl, and sent me screenshots. I suddenly felt very numb...

I felt numb because not only had our relationship been a joke, but I knew he would somewhat cheat on me... It was the first time I broke up with anybody, and I broke up by text.

Every song must end

I was still in love with him, of course. Some people make an effect on you that never goes away. He was mine.

Apparently two months later he started trying again. It was, fairly differentiated from the last time. He told me that he was an idiot and that he didn't want anything serious before.

I should have said no...
But I thought to myself. Even if he likes me just a little, it's really enough...

Come to think of it in a metaphor

"He was a beautiful garden and I was just a small bug passing through..."

So, it's been a month and a half, and I am almost certain that he's somehow changed. I would still love him if he treated me like crap, I mean, it's David, I was head over heals for this dude. But somehow it was different. He cares and talked to me almost daily after school. Of course we would kiss and have a bit more fun on the side...

The fun part makes me sometimes doubt that he's only here for that crap... to be honest, there's some things I'm not ready to do. An incident happened at my boarding school and I haven't had that kind of physical contact with anyone after. It just kind of ruined it for me. But for him I would do anything.

I know this makes me sound crazy, and possibly very very weird. But I had dreamt about this guy for more than a year. He laughed about me, he hated me, he kissed my somewhat best friend while they laughed behind my back... And I was still there.

Hannah has spoken to me about this. About how I shouldn't be with someone that has hurt me in the past. I read a quote from her book in Wattpad that made me realize what im mostly afraid of with David.

Girls fake orgasms to have relationships
Guys fake relationships to have orgasms

I have been with David a month and a half, barely nothing, and yet I can almost taste in my mouth how someday he'll get so sick of me and just leave me broken like some people have before.

Wow I have written a lot for this chapter... I keep rereading it and I make him sound like an ass whole. He isn't, trust me. He's the best boyfriend I've ever had, and I would give anything to stay like that with him as long as I can...

But he won't...
Not because he's bad, or taking advantage. But because it's always the same thing. A guy tells you "I'm not like the rest of them" and two months later they leave you.

People often tell you to follow your heart.

But, when your heart has been broken so many times before, how do you know which broken piece to follow?