Love is the slowest form of suicide

Chapter Six

“Hey babe, you ok?” I guess Luke didn’t realise Mattie had left. I hadn’t really spoke to him all weekend, I guess I just needed some alone time, time to dwell in my own self-pity.  

“Mmmhmm” I gave a short sharp nod. What? I still wasn’t in the conversational mood. Luke didn’t pry too far into it, he just gave me a doubtful shrug, and slung his arm over my shoulder, steering me towards our group of friends.

SO it was lunch time, and let me tell you, when a quiet person, just doesn’t bother to speak at all, everyone notices. And they also notice when my loud mouth best friend isn’t there to make an arse out of himself. I smirk as I remember some of his goonish antics. I know what you’re thinking, it’s not like he died or anything, but to be honest, I guess I was so scared it was paralysing. See, I already have severe abandonment issues from my mum leaving.

When I was little, my mum was my entire world, she smelt attics and lavender, I know it’s a weird description but that’s what it was to me, it was homely. She had this smile she’d give, randomly where her whole face would just become a picture of pure bliss. Her front tooth was slightly chipped at an angle, that just made her whole smile unique. I ran my tongue over my front teeth, trying to imagine what it’d be like to have the same tooth.

“Need a tooth pick, babe?” one of the girls who sat with us sarcastically offered, sneering at my clear lack of focus on the group.

I just shook my head, “sorry daydreaming”, I didn’t bother explain to her what about, after all it’d just fall on deaf ears. Luke threw me a questioning glance but soon returned to the group conversation. I returned to my thoughts.

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“Hey babe, are you sure you’re ok? I mean your even quieter than usual?” Luke’s genuine concern warmed me. We were sat in the library after school studying, it was the one of the only times it was just really us.

“I’m fine, just tired, y’know” I gave him a half-hearted smile, that I suspect he realised had no real depth.

“Ok…” He dragged out hesitantly, “So where’s Mattie today?” Why did he have to say that? What was I supposed to say? I don’t think Mattie told anyone he was leaving. I was never good at making up stories, what do I do?

“I don’t know” Great response Nevaeh. I guess it’d have to do until Friday came and I had a chance to ask Mattie. Hey that’s only four days away, I can do this.

I turned to smile to Luke, actually enjoying his company for the first time today. “So what did you get up to this weekend?” his face lifted at my sudden change in mood, I couldn’t help but smile.

“Oh you know, the usual, party with the guys, missed this amazing girl that I know…” He trailed off suggestively, I decided to humour him.

“Oh really?” I quirked my eyebrow at him. “You must tell me more about her” I smirked.

“Well…” He trailed off, leaning his head toward me, so his lips lightly brushed my ear. “She’s beautiful and humble, honest, she takes my breath away, and I am completely and utterly in love with her”. He finished by planting a small butterfly kiss at the base of my ear, and chuckled as he felt my shiver. This boy was magic. I smiled, and knew my cheeks would be bright red by now, he smirked as he moved away, “oh and she’s seriously cute when she blushes”. I scowled. Do not mention the blush. And there was me thinking we were having a sweet moment. Well two can play at that game.

“Oh, then I really must meet her” I arched my eye brow at him, showing I wasn’t going to give in that easily. He rolled his eyes and chuckled, swiftly changing the topic.

“So how was your weekend?”… was I supposed to mention Mattie leaving? I decided against it.

“It was ok, same old” my weekends were never really exciting so he didn’t push the conversation further. We both sat in a comfortable silence, reading through our textbooks and occasionally making notes.

That’s what I love about Luke, no matter what mood I'm in, or whether the conversation is flowing or not, I was comfortable around him. We didn’t have to constantly speak to understand each other.

We stayed in the library about another hour before I decided I better begin my walk home. As we reached the front of the school, I saw a familiar car pull in. Luke leaned in to kiss me at that exact moment to, so I did the only thing a nice quiet girl like me would do, pushed him into the girls toilets and hurried towards the car. I didn’t even look back to see the shocked expression I knew he would be wearing. I just had to make it to Dad before he spotted Luke, or worse Luke came after me.

No such luck.

“Hey Nevaeh!” Luke called after me, completely confused.

“Sorry Luke, dad’s here I’ll have to help you with that maths homework tomorrow!” I called never stopping. I knew he’d understand from that, and luckily I was right.

“Oh, ok, I see you tomorrow then” he waved cheerily, but I knew he was grumpy because he didn’t get his kiss. Oh well he’d had plenty of them.

I climbed into Dads car and tried to calm my fluster. He looked at me suspiciously. “Who was that?” He tried to sound casual, but I knew he was going to go into the whole over protective front on boys if I didn’t diffuse this situation quickly. I just hoped he hadn’t seen me push Luke into the toilets.

“Oh that was Luke, he’s in my maths, I said I’d help him out with the Cosine and Sine rule in application to trigonometry” I tried to make it sound as fancy as possible to make it more believable. Before he even had chance to reply I swiftly moved topic. “So, how come your picking me up?”

“well I knew it was your first at school without Mattie to drive you home, so I thought I’d come by and get you. Plus it’s kind of late, and I didn’t really feel too comfortable with you walking home alone” Oh yh, I forgot Dad didn’t know about my fight with Mattie so he really thought this would be my first time walking home. I just nodded in response and enjoyed the radio station dad was listening to.

We pulled into the drive way. The whole ride home had been quiet, there wasn’t really much to say and Dad was never one to push conversation. I guess I got my lack of social skills from him.

As we got through the front door asked if I wanted anything to eat, I politely declined and told him I’d make something if I was hungry and I was going upstairs to do some work. He mentioned he was going out and I’d have to cook dinner for myself that night. I nodded and headed up.

I dumped my school bag on my bed and collapsed on top of it. I listened for the click of the door and headed towards the computer. Facebook was my new best friend.