Story Of My Insignificant Life: Part Two

Being Positive.

Okay. I've been meaning to make a chapter addressing this issue for a while, but I was never in the right state of mind to do it when I wanted to. Honestly, being positive is an important thing when it comes to life in general. Being optimistic leaves you more open to opportunities, and it keeps you from sulking in your own self-hate and low self-esteem. I know, it's ironic to hear me talk about this, right? When even I am negative towards myself, as well as events and situations in my life. For a person like myself, this pessimistic behavior is actually out of the norm for me. A few years ago, I was actually very happy and energetic about everything, and it took a lot to make me upset or to hurt me. But due to a combination of broken trust and just me turning into more of a typical teen, I've become much more negative, much more emotional, and much more sensitive. Some of my self-loathing is my own fault. I get hurt easily due to my trust issues, and me convincing myself things that aren't true. I constantly tell myself that I'm an annoyance to everyone, which is a very bad habit. I need to get out of that.
But lately, I've been making an effort to be more positive about myself. I've been trying to keep myself from referring to me as "ugly" or trash or terrible or whatever. I kept myself from saying "I want to die" today because, in all honesty, I don't want to die. The thought of death terrifies me. I wouldn't want to leave everything behind. Everything I've struggled through would just be for nothing.
I've been pushing myself to try my hardest instead of settling for "acceptable". Who am I to say anything is impossible? I used to say that about a lot of things, actually. One of the main things: It's going to be impossible to get out of my relationship with Justin. Your crush is just going to pass by and things between you and Michael won't change.
Is that so? Funny to think, that was over half a year ago. Time really flies by.

On the topic of Michael, and being positive, you need to start doing that. Like, do you even know how much I care about you...? (Okay I haven't actually full-blown talked about him in a chapter in a while so calm the hecc down. for those who don't wanna read this just skip ahead please i don't wanna cause trouble jeeus fricking christ :/ ) I care about you a lot. It pains me to see you so miserable, to see you hating yourself, to see you being so negative...When you do the exact opposite for me. You make me have self-confidence, which is something I lack VERY MUCH. You make me happy when you're around, which is why I miss you so god damn much when you're away. 2016 only had a few good aspects, moments, and memories in it, and you were involved in a handful of those. Doesn't that at least you feel at least somewhat special? You were the happiness in what was one of the darkest and most depressing times of my life. You've taken a girl that felt purposeless and meaningless and made her feel significant in some way. Ha, and you still think you're so terrible. You're not all that bad. I mean, do you even know the things my ex did and said? He told me there's so many better girls out in the world than me. He told me that I deserve to die. He made fun of me for being so sentimental and overemotional. He wouldn't even care whenever I was feeling sad, or even at one point or another, a tad suicidal. At least you show you care. Try to stop being so negative about yourself. You make me feel beautiful. Is that bad? I think the mcfuck not. Look, I love you a lot, and I hate to see you so sad. I personally don't think isolating yourself from everyone is really the best way to feel better, but...Hey, I'm not you, I don't know if that helps you or not. Just know I'm here to talk whenever. Please don't leave like you did before it made me really, really sad 

ALSO, KALI. KALI,KALI,KALI, KALI. You're so negative about yourself. Why? You're the greatest, most amazing friend that I could ever ask for. I trust you more than anyone, and you make my day all the time. You're a joy and pleasure to be around, and I don't know what I'd do without you. You're really funny and witty, and you can be smart when you actually want to be. You've gotten me through some of the toughest times of my life. You've saved my life, you know that? I sometimes wonder where I'd be without you, and trust me, it's probably a much worse place. I probably would have killed myself. You shouldn't doubt yourself so much. You're actually really pretty, I don't know why you don't think so. Your glasses are cute, your smile is cute, your hair is cute. YOU are cute. And when it comes to your gender/ sexuality struggles, don't worry over that too much either. Whatever you decide you truly are, I'll support you. Because you're my best friend and practically like a sister to me, and I hope we're close for a long, long time. Haha this makes me sound like I'm gay for you but I'm not. I love you though don't you forget it. I honestly can not WAIT to meet you irl, it's going to be great. I bet you're really, really cool in person. ahh i love you just come live with me

Same thing goes for everyone. You shouldn't be so negative about yourself. You should make an effort to be positive, and to motivate yourself. Love yourself a little. You'll most likely be a lot happier. I know it's made me a lot happier. It's brought back a side of me that I had lost for a long time. I'm much more enthusiastic now, or at least I have been for this past week. Try being more positive about life for once. You can be much worse off than you are now. Hey, for all the people who read this,  I'm sure you have both of your parents, right? They may be split up or something, but you have them, right...? Must be nice. I never knew what having both parents felt like. See? There's an example of worse.
I don't let this get to me, though. Because there's more important things to focus on. 

Just be. More. Positive. For me?