I hate that I love you. ( ON HOLD)

I hate that I love you.

Alex Jonson, that Is me. Brown hair, blue/grey eyes,average, and tall. I'm the type of girl who sits in the back of class so the teacher will forget she is even there, just plain skip lunch so I don't have to find anywhere to sit. That's why I thank god every day after I've graduate that I don't have to see those assholes at the hellhole people call school.

I remember I wasn't always like this. There was a time when I was happy and loud and sassy and funny. I still have all of that in me. It's just pushed way down deep Inside.

I may look happy but that's only because I've learned how to smile through the pain. After seeing so many happy people I've just learned how to act happy, lie about how I feel. I mean how I'm I supposed to be happy when my best friend left me for some boy band, my mom treats me like shit and I've got no one left?

I've done things I'm not proud of, I've cut before but I've been clean for a year. I still don't know how though. Nothing in my life has gotten better. I don't know why I quit, but I've promised myself I won't go back to doing it.

I've lost all faith in any happiness I could possible have. That doesn't stop me from wanting, longing to have someone's arms to call home.

I have an empty place in my heart that I know will never be filled. That's why I don't even try. That's why I get semi panic attacks when I met somebody who could possibly like me. Nobody but Louis and Nick had ever cared about me. The feeling of someone caring about me scares me.

Then I met him. Harry Styles.