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Trigger warning: suicide
"almost everyone listening has had a significant other. and wasn't your first boyfriend or girlfriend the most magical? well, i would like to welcome my first boyfriend to his tape. hiya, justin foley. "
i yanked the earbuds out. the first one of these tapes was about me. how could i have driven the girl that i loved to kill herself?
i forced myself to continue to listen.
"let's start at the beginning, justin. i was 100% sure it was a dare when you asked me out. but i still said yes, because i really fucking liked you. as expected when the invisible girl dates the star basketball player, other girls start to get jealous. and in case you haven't noticed, girls are mean!"
i buried my face in my hands. i should've helped her. i should've been there to comfort her.
"meaner than you think. they push and shove, and slap, and pull your hair. and you should hear the hurtful shit that they say. but this isn't about them, justin, it's about you."
while still listening, i got up and went to the fridge. my mom and her boyfriend weren't home, so i grabbed one of seth's beers.
"we were together for about a week when we went on a date to eisenhower park. a single picture ruined my sophomore year. a single picture that made it look like you stole a couple bases. but you didn't get that far."
"kalie," i said out loud. "i didn't mean for any of this to happen."
"just a kiss. plain and simple as that. but you let everyone believe what wasn't true, and then when things got tough for you, you left me."
"hey, boy! one of my beers are missing!" seth shouted.
dammit. he burst into my room and i paused the tape. "you stealing from me, boy?"
i shrugged, not really caring about what he had to say, and took another swig. "i'll pay you back," i suggested.
"you don't have any money."
"it's one fucking beer! my girlfriend fucking committed suicide! i'm fucking pissed! now leave me the fuck alone!" i grabbed my walkman before storming out. i went to the roof where i knew i would have some peace and quiet. shakily, i pressed play.
" my first breakup. jeez. sitcoms don't cover how sad they really are. though i didn't stay in the sad stage very long. you had me fucked off at every living organism. so thanks for the anger issues, why am i joking? i guess it's because i still like you, foley."
tears were brimming my eyes as she spoke.
"yep. the truth is. if you apologized, i would forgive you in a heartbeat. i would stop with these tapes, and i would fall in love with you."
i could've stopped her. i could've saved her.
"everyone here listening killed me, but justin, you broke me."
