Out of the flames

Entry #3.

Dear Diary,

Now diary you should probably learn about our school. It was divided into four main parts. There was the administration office with the principal and all the other people who strive to make our lives difficult stay. It is the equivalent of where the wardens stay in a prison. There are the classrooms which are the torture chambers. There are the dorms, our prison cells and the most fun part our leisure centre which is like you know the field in a prison where some bulky men are always lifting weights and playing basketball. The leisure centre is where the AV room, music rooms, all sport's facilities, our shop and art studio are found. On weekends most people would be found walking lazily here.

Our dorms are actually not that bad. You see our school doesn't take that many students so our dorms are in form of apartment complexes. The first apartment complex was dorm one up to dorm thirteen. Each dorm had five floors each floor having eight people sleeping there with four per room. The middle floor though was the common area. Our school believed that girl boy interaction was healthy so the first two floors had boys and the top two was for girls. No boy was allowed in a girls' room and vice versa but they could come together in the common room which of course had CCTV cameras.

The job of the dorm prefect was to make sure that, well, we didn't burn the dorms. You think it was something that wouldn't happen but you'll be surprised. I was head of Dorm eleven which was the captain's dorm and a real pain in the ass. That was where I was hanging out when the announcement came through the intercom.

I was lying on the couch perusing through my playlist while half-heartedly paying attention to the game of who looks like someone we know that Jenny and Tina were playing with old yearbooks. Seriously it was either this or another game of go fish and we kept losing cards because Jenny threw her cards up in the air every time she shouted go fish. We had given up on trying to teach her how to play.

"Hmm this one looks like Diego," Jenny, my best friend, said and I fought the urge to turn and look at the book but instead kept my eyes glued to the screen of my phone.

"Doesn't he AC?" Jenny asked me.

I glared at her, "Why are you asking me?"

"Because you love him," Tina pointed out and they started laughing.

Diary, I need new friends. Too bad they didn't come with a return address.

"For your infor..." I started about to give a speech about how Diego was like a brother to me, a speech they had memorized by now but then I was cut off.

"AC please report to the principal's office immediately,"our school secretary's voice announced.

"Great. It's not as if I have a life or something," I muttered sitting up.

Jenny raised an eyebrow at my statement, "I wouldn't really call playing angry birds as having a life."

"I don't care what you think," I said standing up and tying my hair into a ponytail.

"You've still don't know how to use the blue bird, do you?" Tina asked and I ignored them. Okay so maybe I had been lying a little diary. I wasn't really surfing my playlist. 

"I've been called to the office," I said walking out of the room and away from my friend's teasing gazes. I walked downstairs and stopped at common room to greeting Kyle and his friends who were pigging out there in their pyjamas while watching a movie.

I sprinted across the soccer field which separated the administrative offices from the dorms. I entered the office without a single glance at the secretary who was invested in a game of piano tiles this time.

Our principal's office was the most feared room in the whole school. I swear from all the stories people tell it really came across as a torture chamber. You could practically imagine the chair as one of those electric ones and the walls covered with all types of knives and guns. The fur carpet was replaced with a pool of quick sand in Luke's retelling when he was sent here for releasing the frogs in the Biology lab.

I, on the hand, was perfectly comfortable on the egg seat. I had been called here a lot of times to talk.

"Hey Mr. Farrero," I greeted our principal and he did that cool thing where he gave me a stern look from above his glasses. I swear if I had an eye problem I would never wear contacts. There are so many intimidation tricks to do with glasses and this man had mustered all of them. Some people had fetishes with feet or something I had a glasses fetish.

"Miss. Aldrin, it's nice of you to join us back in school," he said and I rolled my eyes. The way he said it you would have thought I went on vacation.

"Yeah Fiji is great this time of year. You should have asked me to grab you some coconuts," I said playing along and he gave me an unimpressed look.

"Miss. Aldrin," he started again and I cringed. I hated my last name with a passion. Both of my elder brothers had changed their last name as soon as they hit eighteen and I planned on doing the same. That's why everyone called me AC. I was pretty sure some of them didn't know that A stood for April and the C was just symbolic. The name I was going to choose was going to start with a C. The last name belonged to my parents and I wanted nothing to do with it.

"I received a phone call from your brother, Jeff," he continued and eyebrows started burrowing in confusion. Why would Jeff call him and not talk to me directly?

"Your mental health seems to be worrying him and he's made an appointment with a group therapists. You shall be attending the group meeting every Wednesday, Friday and Saturday," he explained and I had to give the man points for not beating around the bush.

"Wait, What?" I asked. That little weasel of a brother. He wasn't man enough to call me himself. A therapist? He had to be kidding. What did he even know about what I was going through? He sure as hell wasn't getting so much as a message from me on his birthday.

"Yes well I had the same reaction but seeing how this is a family matter I don't have a say in it," he said making clear that the conversation was over.

"Um great," I said walking out of the room before the tears that had started to prick my eyes could move any further. I ran back to my room not making eye contact with anyone but I stables upon my brother and his crew as they were coming out of the common area.

"Hey little sis are you okay?" He asked and I just nodded never stopping from moving forward.

He put his arm on my shoulder and I harshly pried it off, "Just leave me alone."

I didn't turn back to see the hurt look that was sure to be on his face. Thankfully Jenny and Tina were gone, having found something more entertaining.

I fell on my bed and pulled my knees up to my chin. I had never felt so belittled and by my own brother. All throughout my life I had tried to grow to be the person everyone expected me to be. My parents wanted a good kid who won't cause them problems and I became school body president and valedictorian. My brothers wanted a sister to be proud of and I became the person who was friends with all my brother's friends. My friends wanted someone fun and happy and I did it. I kept all my feelings and thoughts on lock down. I put a smile on my face and learnt what to say in every situation. I knew no one wanted to be around the real me, the broken depressed person I truly was because lets face it no one loved broken.

I felt belittled because it really shook someone when they learnt that the person they believed in the most, the person who had become the closest thing to a superhero to them didn't have the same faith in them. What I needed was for my brother to call me and tell me he loved me and that he would always be there for me not to serve me up to be someone else's problem. I felt the hot lava in my chest increasing and it was getting harder to breathe. The tears we're close but I shut my eyes and said the mantra I always said when I almost let the darkness lose.

"No one has time for broken, no one loves broken."