Healing ||mileven||

The talk

General POV

The next morning El had made a decision, she got up and left the house early, making her way over to the Wheeler's. She knocked at the front door, "Oh, hi El" said Karen, looking slightly surprised as she usually just let herself into the basement, "Mike's at Lucas's right now."

"Yes, I know...I came to see Nancy."

"Oh, right" said Karen, looking slightly confused, "well, just go on up then."

"Thank you" replied El, giving a small smile. She made her way up the stairs, admiring the Wheeler family pictures, always slowing down past her favourite one of Mike. El took a deep breath and knocked on Nancy's door, "hey El" said Nancy, obviously surprised to see her, "is everything alright?"

"Can...can I talk to you, Nancy?" asked El.

"Sure, come in." She looked around Nancy's room as she entered and found herself looking at the photos displayed on her board.

Flashback

The house was empty and El was bored of sitting in the basement by herself. She'd spent her whole life locked in one room or another and couldn't resist the temptation to look around now that she the freedom to. She entered Nancy's room. Mike's was the only other bedroom she'd ever seen, not counting her room at the lab, and they were very different. The subtle colors made her feel warm and comfortable and she began to carefully look around. She found a box on the drawers and gently opened the lid, having no idea what could be inside. Her mouth opened in awe as the ballet dancer inside began to slowly pirouette, and a sound filled the air. It was the most beautiful sound she'd ever heard, different pitched sounds forming a spell-binding sequence. El couldn't move, lost in the melody she began to feel emotional in a way she didn't understand. She carefully closed the box and silenced the tune. She made her way over to Nancy's photo board, replaying the melody in her head over again. Seeing pictures of Nancy as a toddler, on a family holiday, Mike, by the beach, with her friends, all happy and smiling. In that moment, El truly began to understand the scale of what had been denied her, what she'd had taken away from her, the chance of a childhood full of love and care and happiness, a family, and she was overwhelmed by sadness, loss, and grief for the life she'd never had.

End

El closed her eyes tight at the memory, a single tear escaping, "El" said Nancy looking concerned, "are you ok?"

"Yes" said El, opening her eyes again, "it's ok." She sat on Nancy's bed and they chatted about various things, reminiscing about the past few years.

"Wow, a lot has happened in the 5 years since we met...so, what did you want to talk about" Nancy asked eventually.

"Mike..." I should have guessed thought Nancy, "he...I don't know...he takes me places on dates, and we hold hands, and when we're alone, we...we kiss, and hold each other." She didn't know how to get to the point she was trying to make, consumed by fear and embarrassment.

"El, what is it? asked Nancy, slightly worried about where this was going. She didn't really want to hear about her little brother's sex life, regardless of being almost 18, he would always be her little brother. Please don't tell me she's gonna go into details.

"The way he looks at me sometimes, and when we're together, kissing, or..." El trailed off.

"Or what? Look, I know it feels awkward for you and me both! but it's ok, you can tell me anything...I wish I'd had someone to talk to about this stuff. I mean, first off, do you understand everything about sex?"

"Yes, I know what sex is, we've had classes at school and some of the girls talk about it..." El took a deep breath, "when we're kissing, in bed, and he's touching me..." she closed her eyes, wanting to continue but words failing her.

"Is he...moving too fast? You know you can tell him to stop, at any point?"

"No, you don't understand, I don't want him to stop sooner...I...I don't want him to stop at all," she said the last part quietly, looking down like she was ashamed, Nancy didn't miss that and gave her a reassuring hug. "He stops, makes excuses, sometimes leaves or goes to the bathroom to be alone, I think...I think he doesn't want to be with me, he just feels sorry for me" she said, starting to cry.

...........................

Mike's POV

"MIKE!"

Woah, what's Nancy so pissed at?

"MIKE! open this door now!"

I opened the door to find Nancy stood there with a weird look on her face, a mixture of anger and concern?...I think... "Hey, Nance, what's up? HEY!" she pushed me back in the room and shut the door behind her, "what the..."

"We need to talk. About El."

"What's wrong?" I said, panicking slightly, the worst thoughts popped into my head, "what's happened? Is she ok?"

"No, she's not 'ok' Mike" she said, angrily, "she came to see me earlier, she was really upset and confused." I have literally no clue what Nancy's talking about, why wouldn't El just talk to me if she has a problem? "You're messing her around, getting all touchy feely and then just leaving her when things start to get serious, she has no idea where she stands any more...do you have any idea how that makes a girl feel?...she thinks you don't want to be with her, you don't love her, and stay with her out of pity." I sat there, open mouthed, those last words were like knives in my heart. "So, what the fuck is going on, Mike? If you've been leading her on, I swear to god..." I was in shock, my head in my hands, trying to process what Nancy had just said. Nancy must have seen how upset I was, as her next sentence was spoken much more softly, "Mike, talk to me, what's going on?"

"I...I love her, I want to be with her, I...I want to show her how much I love her, and I really want to take things further with her...but..."

"What's stopping you?"

"The thought of hurting her, of pushing her, of going too far too fast, and the thought that she would let me just to keep me happy but eventually start resenting me...the idea of losing her again terrifies me, I can't do it again Nancy, I can't go through being without her again. If I have to wait for the rest of my life for her to be ready I will." My tears were falling now, Nancy took me in her arms and held me for a few minutes.

"Dinner's ready!" we heard from downstairs.

I felt Nancy pull away slightly and whisper "Mike, El is ready," with that she got up and left.

...........................