The Complexity of a Teenager

Chapter One: Who I am

     You would think a girl born from riches would have ALL the friends and ALL the attention. Well you're thoughts were the same as mine. It's difficult to believe that I am RICH and FAT it's like the two do not go together. But my parents didn't think about that while raising me. I am 16 years old, I live in Flint, Michigan; and I have only but one friend: My journal. Everyone is so judgemental at Cedarbrook High School, you could be wearing a 'Smashing Pumkins' T-shirt and get called a faggot. Like, excuse me? I'm sorry I was raised on alternative rock/ indie.

      I failed to mention exactly who I am. My name is Mavis McCain, I am 5'2" I weigh about 180lbs (yes that Is fat where I grow up) I was born with many mental "illnesses" you may call. I call them perks in my small miserable life. I have friends, but I know they all lie behind my back, they're always talking bad about me. Unfortunately the ones who aren't snakes, but still do not associate with me tell me these things. I believe them because they've told me flat to my face about how fat I really am and how ugly I really look. I mean come on, I'm a socially awkward zit faced red headed dweebazoid.. Who wouldn't want to make fun of me?

      Sadly enough I was adopted. My parents didn't have the heart to tell me so I found out on my own. My real mother died in a car accident just months after my arrival. My father couldn't take care of me so he sent me to an orphanage. I have recently contacted him, he is now remarried, has four kids, and lives off the coast of Maine. We've emailed each other in secret because my parents forbid me to have any connection to WiFi or even own a phone. That's another reason why I don't have any true friends, because they think I'm a "dinosaur" or something because I don't have a phone. In reality I done fucked up by doing some stupid stuff when I was 14 and I'm still ruined to this day.

     I guess being almost an adult doesn't really bother my parents all that well. My social inadequacies have really made a negative impact on my life. My self esteem has really been lowered since the move. My adopted mother suggested I got sent to a private school from her recent settlement. You see my mother is the boss for this huge industry where she makes little toys for the gifted children with special needs. But someone was out to get her so they shoved her into a huge box and the machines taped it up and it sent her to Africa. It was pretty funny at first because my mother is a huge bitch like all the time.

      She dosent care what my opinion is, and she favorites my little brother Benedict. I think he was adopted too or she cheated Because he has red hair too, while my parents both have blackish Brown hair. And that kids got the stupidest name for this generation. What is this the French international community gathering? No this is Michigan in America, where the names are unique and not named after a famous actor. The reason why I think he was adopted because my mother never had a baby bump when she was "pregnant" with him. Then again she's like paper thin. Like 60lbs thin so you really don't know with her.

    According to my grandmother, my mother was a 'troubled' teenager. And she said and I quote "All she did was hoe around! She had a new boy each week, I know she got her holes resized every week by a new guy she was never sober and she always was just getting in a bunch of trouble; your mother has changed dramatically over these last years" wait a minute... How old is my mom? She looks like 100 years old, she's got that bag of wrinkles motif and my father looks like hammered shit.

    Every day its a constant battle between all of us, because I do everything, but somehow I get blamed for everything, "you missed a spot, this side is burnt, you forgot to put it all away" its the same Damn routine every single day. Sad enough to say this is something I don't want to end. Because I have attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and attention deficit disorder I need attention. And I'll have to get it any way, even if that means listening to the white man. When in doubt I run to my bands, that sounds a bit corny. But that's how I am. If I'm depressed I'll listen to bands like 'Pierce The Veil' or 'Sleeping With Sirens' yeah I get it I'm a typical emo kid. Haha. No, I'm not. I'm just really different.. I guess. But it's the same routine over and over again. Do this do that. Then I run to my room and write into my tearfilled journal until my little eyes can't take it and burst into tears about how fucked up my life really is, and I write and cry until I fall asleep. But I wake up to the same Damn thing... "MAVISS GET YOUR ASS UP! ITS SIX THIRTY! GET YOUR BROTHER UP" and life feels like it gets worse and worse each day... 

    It doesn't sound like it's a big deal, but it gets rough when people call you 'Squid' all the Fucking time. I don't even have a first name in this house. I really wish I could go back to when I was the baby, and I was treated right. In this family, I had an older brother.. He suffered great depression when I knew him. All I know about him is that he told mom that he went on a hike and they never heard from him again. He was smart, and got out of this hell hole while he still could. He probably changed his name, like that girl from the Titanic. As stupid as it sounds, its the truth. Nobody would ever understand, to be quite frank. I'm pretty sure nobody has gotten that far into getting to know me to face my demons. I don't blame them, I would hate me too..

     it's a rather morbid thought, but it seems to calm me down whilst I'm accepting my fate as a outcast degenerate who nobody seems to care for. I guess I am going to be that one friend who never dates because they'd rather spend their time throwing birthdays for their dogs. Ehh, actually... That isn't a bad idea now that I think of it. I mean it would be nice to have like a girlfriend I can tell everything to. Or a boyfriend I can experience the teenage dream with. I live in the hard reality, I want to escape into a fantasy land for a break. A very long break I must say. I live in a nightmare. I'll never expierience feeling the adrenaline of sneaking out of the house at two in the morning, or the feeling of a man's lips pressed hardly unto mine... I am not a basic teenager..

    I am far from it..