The Complexity of a Teenager

Chapter Two: My Biggest Confession

     It's Sunday April 21st, 2013 and my monthly has stricken me with death. My cramps kill me, I'm bloated, and I'm bitchy as hell. Sometimes I'm too salty for my own Damn self. My fake friend Amanda doesn't have periods, she was raped by her boyfriend and he knocked her up. Which doesn't make any sense because the bitch can't keep her legs shut. And rumor has it from Chelsea (her older sister) that its between three different guys on who's the father.

     That's another fine ass reason why I don't date, because in this age there is no romance like in the nineties where the men took women on dates to make them happy, not to get in their pants. I want that relationship, where my guy would take me on some simple date, show me a good time, make me smile a lot, and just make me feel wanted. But alas I was born in a time of dread and disease of nasty toxic relationships.

     I had only one boyfriend, and it was two years ago when I was fourteen. I was engulfed in hormones, I was horny, bitchy, hungry, depressed, and clingy all in one. I was in a really bad relationship, His name was Derek Johnson, I will never forget him, he was 16 that year. You see he was the type to say "I changed baby. I promise" and goes and cheats again. My dumb ass let him come right back to me time upon time. Whenever he would cheat or I'd find out there were other girls I'd say "As long as I'm your number one priority, baby" like what the living Fuck Mavis!! This was only because he took my virginity, I'd think he'd be the one I'd be with forever.

     The fucked up part about it all is that he forced himself upon me, but I still let him do it because "I loved him" typical. Well my parents found out he deflowered their little girl, they grounded me practically for life, and they pressed charges against Derek. At first, desperate, upset, empty, incomplete, I went nuts. I was rebellious, I gained a bunch of weight. I became a depressed fat Fuck. At the time I actually had a "best friend" and her name was Nayomi Wellwaters, well she was the one I told everything To.

    Came to found out that she was sleeping with him since day one. When I found this out, I began getting into this depressed emotional state, and I swore to never have best friends or boyfriends ever again; because in the end they sleep together anyways. My mother at this time didn't know what to do with me, she couldn't even look me in the eye. Things got better with time, but my thoughts on relationships never changed. My biological father told me once "Men can be snakes, but the women are sneakier" he was right. As I knew Derek was cheating on me, it never came to mind that Nayomi was Fucking him behind my back. Or matter of fact even 'Talking' to him. She said him and her are like brother and sisters. And since I grew up with this chick I thought she was honest. But even the most innocent can be the most sneakiest, nastiest, snakes on this godforsaken planet!
    
     I had my doubt, but I never thought about it because I trusted her. I know things about her that'd get her jailed for life. It's rather depressing to have everyone you loved turn their own backs on you. And watch your trust and honesty deplete from every single one of them. I choose to keep my back turned when they look my way. Because in my time of need, where were they? Exactly. I don't say this to sound like a badass I say it because the general audience of this generation knows what exactly what I went through. On top of it, I know my adoptive mother is being cheated on.

     It's horrible to see infedelity, and I'm not saying that because that shit scars you for life, but it hurts deep down. It hurts because that person's spouse thinks they're being a good noodle and being loyal, but instead they're balls deep or getting balls deep in them with someone else. And knowing that The cheated on spouse will find out.. the true meaning of love is to give all your immaturity to become a whole with the one you truly and deeply love. And obviously my abdoptive dad didn't think twice before he fucked the housekeeper every Mondays and Wednesdays. I'm not going to tell my mom, she wouldn't believe me; But when she finds out.. it will be like Armageddon in the house. If you're going to marry someone, at least love them.

     My confession is that I'm scared of being in a relationship and commitment, because I don't want to be hurt anymore..it's just I've seen so many people hurting and upset from relationships I just don't understand why you would even catch feelings knowing you have a great chance of getting hurt. I guess maybe when I'm older.. maybe I'll invest in a relationship but you can't be so sure because you have no idea where you are going in life. For all I know I might go into the navy, who knows??

     It's not always a good idea to invest in something you're not 100% sure of. As an individual who struggles with keeping things perfect. Maintaining a relationship is like dealing with messes from a toddler. It's not fun and can be exhausting work you you don't have the proper matching romantic chemistry with your mate for life. I do believe in love and miracles, but I expect them when I get out of school, graduate, And have a steady job. High school is already a messy job, lets just hope cupid doesn't come looking for me. I won't accept his crazy devil magic.